HOW CAN YOU BE IN TWO KENNELS AT ONCE WHEN YOUR’RE NOT EVEN CHAIR AT ALL?: When is the mayor not the mayor? When the Mayor is the “I’m doing it my way” Kaipo Asing.
The first reports of the selection this morning of Kaipo Asing as temporary Mayor is perplexing for both what Tom Finnegan and Nathan Eagle reported and what they didn’t report.
Though the former Council Chair was officially and unanimously selected as mayor today the articles both say “he has no intention of taking the mayor's job until after the council's regular meeting Wednesday”.
That brings up a question of just who the heck the mayor is today, tomorrow and until Asing decides whether he’s Council chair or the mayor.
Is he both? Is he neither?
The charter seems to make it plain that Asing is now the Mayor.
Section 7.06. Vacancy in Office
A. In the event of a vacancy in the office of the mayor, the council shall select, by majority vote, one of its members as mayor to serve until the next general election and assumption of office in December by the person elected mayor. The vacancy in the council shall be filled as provided for in Article III, Section 3.05 of the charter...
B. During the temporary absence from the county or temporary disability of the mayor, or in case of a vacancy in the office of the mayor, until a new mayor is appointed or elected, the administrative assistant shall act as mayor.
Now that the Council has officially “selected” Asing to be mayor he is the Mayor. Once and future Administrative Assistant Gary Heu is no longer the temp Mayor because according to the Charter he was only to be Mayor “until a new mayor is appointed”.
The Charter contemplates the selection by the council of “one of its members” creating a vacancy as described in the sentence following the description of the selection process. Any swearing-in ceremony is inconsequential and the actual selection bestows “Mayor-hood” if you will and automatically results in the selected councilperson vacating their Council seat.
State law prohibits persons from occupying two elective offices at the same time.
That means that no matter what he thinks or wants to do Asing is as of this morning’s vote no longer a council member and therefore cannot act as one this Wednesday without violating the law.
The question of whether Asing will run in the general election remains unanswered. But Eagle does reveal that there will at least be a head-to-head battle between current Councilpersons Mel Rapozo and JoAnn Yukimura who “announced their intent to file to run for mayor in a special mayoral vacancy election this fall”.
The political turmoil of Baptiste’s death will certainly be felt way beyond the Round Building on December 1 with at least three open seats on the council making for wholesale changes across the street at the Historic County Building.
But what kind of changes remains an open question this seems to be a year that has thus far shown to be a meager year in the number of Council candidates especially when compared to the 21 that ran a few years back.
We can’t remember a year in the last 20 where the number of candidates wasn’t at least double the seven seats up for at-large election. And although there have been elections in recent times where three seats were vacant there has never been four “openings” at least since 1980.
(cue Wurlitzer) Will Asing be back on the Council in the fall or in grabbing the brass ring try to hold onto it?
Will Ron Kouchi seek the job he sought six years ago?
Will Tim Bynum decide to run on his mentor’s legacy?
Will arguably the most competent administrator Jay Furfaro pull the trigger he cocked when he switched parties a few years back as many at the time speculated he would do?
And on the administration side will Bernard Carvalho, the top recipient of Baptiste’s political largess, wonder whether he will have a job if a new Mayor actually demands competence in his or her administration and so run himself?
And certainly with all those Democrats running the Republicans will drag in some kind of cat from their meeting closet- possibly party hack Ron Agor who had previously expressed interest when the date of occupancy was though to be 2010?
Could there be more candidates for mayor than for the seven council seats? And with seven vacancies a possibility, what happens if there are only seven candidates- are we ready for Councilperson Bob Carriffe? And what happens if there are only six?
We’ll know some answers July 22. But meanwhile who will be the new Chair? Will it be Vice Chair Mel Rapozo or will the Council reorganize?.. and if they reorganize will they wait until they appoint a member to replace Asing?.. and will they reorganize committees too?
But we still wonder who will be sitting at the head of the Council table when they meet this Wed. at 9 a.m... if they have a quorum of four since two members will reportedly be off-island.
Tune in again tomorrow for “One Lie to Live”
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Update: Both KITV and KGMB are reporting Asing will not run for Mayor this fall.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
HOW COME WE NEVER GET CAT FOOD?
HOW COME WE NEVER GET CAT FOOD? As the July 22 deadline approaches for Kaua`i candidates to sign up to run for Council, as if a recurring nightmare it seems we’ve puked into this bucket before.
Today’s local paper introduces yet another apparent would-be-hack, Christobel “Kaliko Kauahi” Kealoha serving up another streaming rancid plateful of the usual new-candidate pabulum.
“I think I have to offer a special ability of empathy in feeling what people are saying and using that to guide me toward my decisions,” she said.
Zzzzzzz. Yeah, sure. This “I’ll listen to people more” drivel is the standard pap. Here’s more:
She said she wants to take her philosophy of respect to the council table.
Oh great- so you’ll make kissy face and kow-tow to the buffoonery and corruption of the incumbents and belly up to the political trough?
Want another spoonful? Open wide...
Maintaining objectivity, flexibility and listening to what others have to say worked through her legal career, she said, which can be adversarial.
Oh great... another bag of the usual false humility. So glad you’re not running on the usual subjective, intransigent, ignore-your-constituents platform.
Then the capper. In a most absurd but predictable stance from someone who worked in the office of the attorney general for 22 years comes this.
Kealoha said she is open to issues like Hawaii Superferry, which she deems helpful at this time for Kaua`i.
It’s hard to say which is most distressing- the actual fact that she favors the Superferry on Kaua`i, the fact that she bring up the issue but apparently sees nothing wrong with what the attorney general’s office did in making a mockery of the law, or the fact that her decision-making ability is apparently so politically tone deaf that the only policy issue she mentions is her support for a project to which Kaua`i has been trying to bid good riddance.
But a few of weeks ago the paper printed a promo for a possibly a bigger bundle of bupkis, contender KipuKai “Leslie” Kuali‘i.
In it Kauali`i takes a courageous stab at the issues saying:
The first-time candidate said solid waste, traffic and affordable housing are the top three issues he will tackle with creative solutions.
Gee Les, you must have stayed up nights to discern that those issues are big ones. And wow- the reported fact that you spent most of your life on the mainland has given you great “creative” ideas... even if you have no idea what has been attempted and how these problems obtained their obstacles to resolution.
Kauali`i isn’t saying just what these creative ideas are- his web site has been there for quite a while with no mention of issues.
Had enough claptrap? No? Then try this.
“But I also want to make sure we’re doing all we can to help our kupuna and our children,” he said. “We need to make sure we’re giving the children enough options so they are not resorting to drugs and alcohol ... a horrible problem that affects most of our families.”
What a courageous stand. Glad you told us because we weren’t gonna vote for you because we were afraid you might be one of those people who detests your elders and kids and thinks drug abuse is a-okay. And what about mom and apple pie?
Actually Kualii’s reported background sounds promising.
Kuali‘i said he’s a passionate community organizer dedicated to helping others, and brings more than 20 years of experience in labor, political and community campaigns to the council.
But this little ditty leaves no doubt he’s the usual political climber geared up to suck up to Asing and the good ole boys and not make waves.
Kuali‘i, a Democrat, said he will bring a level head and a cooperative spirit to the seven-member legislative body.
Often it seems like they’re bickering a lot, and I’m sort of a middle-of-the-road moderate person who can work with all kinds of people,” he said. “I know it’ll take a team, too, and I can help.
To be fair it might be the filter of a newspaper interviewer’s questions that makes them sound this way but we don’t see them complaining that their ideas and words were misrepresented. And we doubt an excellent reporter like Nathan Eagle would slant rather than try to fairly represent what either wanted to appear in print.
We urge everyone to ask for specific detailed policy positions this fall as PNN will be doing in our upcoming election questionnaire. And we invite readers to help prepare the questions.
But this being Kaua`i don’t expect to get anything more issue-oriented from them or any candidate... if they can help it.
And right there in a nutshell is what’s wrong with not just Kaua`i politics but now apparently those the national stage as well.
No one in their right mind is happy with the sham of democracy that is American corporate governance. Yet we keep voting for people who not just intimate but make central to their campaign, how they will “get along” with those who made the mess and presumably will be taking those “legal bribes” too, should they win and be given the chance at funding a re-election campaign.
This is usually just the kind of candidate that, you can bet come a couple of Novembers, will be perpetuating the system that perpetuates them.
Somehow entrants in the political fray- from our local entrants to our presidential candidates- actually play down the issues these days, as if policy specifics were an afterthought.
And we’ve dumbed down our expectations to the point where simply being able to list policy issues is a qualification for election.
Have you read some of this Obama poppycock? PNN is (thanks to Jeff Fishman and Lightline) in possession of a letter from a “Kaua`i for Obama” coordinator trying to convince “progressive” voters to continue to support their candidate even though he’s abandoned them on issues, as exemplified by his Senate vote for the Bush-Chaney “Total Information Awareness” government wiretap and corporate immunity bill.
Here’s how Gregg Heacock opened a letter to the faithful entitled
We Are the Winds of Change -The Movement that Drives this Campaign
A storm of controversy arising over Barack Obama's support of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) is testing the unity of our campaign. Many in the campaign arethreatening to jump ship. While some accuse him of being a centrist, and others defend him as a pragmatist, the angriest among us are calling him a traitor. I do not wish to deny the importance of this issue, but I remember being told in my Camp Obama training that the issues can distract us from the true narrative of this campaign (emphasis added).
It goes on to say:
That narrative of differences and values that unite us is "the wind" Barack says "is sweeping across this great land" calling for change.
Imagine, then, that the campaign is a ship, moving toward the horizon, with the captain adjusting the sails to manage the ship through rough currents to get us to a new land. We are the wind that fills the sails and the crew that manages the ship. As the wind, we are free to blow whichever way our intention takes us. As the crew, we need to secure the ship and give respect to the person who leads us. In short, argument is healthy for without wind we are dead in the water. But, we need not to confuse this with working for the campaign. Still, it would be a lax crew that lacked concern for the judgment of its commander.
After pages of more airy-fairy, wishy-washy claptrap (contact us for a full copy) it ends with this:
Our comfort, now, must be in going forward together.
We are the wind; we are the sail; we are the ship; we are the destination. We are eternal; we are now. And, we are not alone.
Abandon all questioning of actual policy all ye who enter, eh?
There’s something in this that sounds kind of like the indoctrination of the “Hitler Youth” in the 30’s... or maybe the Catholic Church... with maybe just a smidgeon of “American Idol” for flavor
The “Camp Obama” events he speaks of were not very widely reported upon but those that did cover the events described not your usual political campaign schools but essentially brainwashing sessions held last summer to send Obazombies out into the countryside.
It was a brilliant bit of nouveau political planning where young impressionables from all over the country gathered and were basically told they didn’t really need the candidate’s or the campaign’s direction or any experience in election campaigning because this was going to be a “different” kind of election where issues are secondary to the “movement”, couching it in terms of “change” and “no more politics as usual” and other stirring euphemistic eradications.
More widely reported was that as state elections neared the national campaign personnel came into many cities and towns and to their surprise found Obama headquarters already there- often staffed with people with no idea what positions the candidate had on the issues but who had nonetheless galvanized the populace in anticipation of the caucuses and primaries.
Political aspirants constantly tell us the problem is that everyone is always arguing and fighting, claiming they will bring a “new way” of governing.
Those just may be the most dangerous candidates. It’s beyond us how the heck someone is going to “change” things by essentially colluding with incumbents.
Sounds a lot less like change than maintenance of the corrupt two-party status quo. But until people stop perpetuating the self-deceit that their democratic options are limited to choosing tweedledumb instead of tweedledumber we’ll be lapping up our regurgitated pabulum for the foreseeable future.
Today’s local paper introduces yet another apparent would-be-hack, Christobel “Kaliko Kauahi” Kealoha serving up another streaming rancid plateful of the usual new-candidate pabulum.
“I think I have to offer a special ability of empathy in feeling what people are saying and using that to guide me toward my decisions,” she said.
Zzzzzzz. Yeah, sure. This “I’ll listen to people more” drivel is the standard pap. Here’s more:
She said she wants to take her philosophy of respect to the council table.
Oh great- so you’ll make kissy face and kow-tow to the buffoonery and corruption of the incumbents and belly up to the political trough?
Want another spoonful? Open wide...
Maintaining objectivity, flexibility and listening to what others have to say worked through her legal career, she said, which can be adversarial.
Oh great... another bag of the usual false humility. So glad you’re not running on the usual subjective, intransigent, ignore-your-constituents platform.
Then the capper. In a most absurd but predictable stance from someone who worked in the office of the attorney general for 22 years comes this.
Kealoha said she is open to issues like Hawaii Superferry, which she deems helpful at this time for Kaua`i.
It’s hard to say which is most distressing- the actual fact that she favors the Superferry on Kaua`i, the fact that she bring up the issue but apparently sees nothing wrong with what the attorney general’s office did in making a mockery of the law, or the fact that her decision-making ability is apparently so politically tone deaf that the only policy issue she mentions is her support for a project to which Kaua`i has been trying to bid good riddance.
But a few of weeks ago the paper printed a promo for a possibly a bigger bundle of bupkis, contender KipuKai “Leslie” Kuali‘i.
In it Kauali`i takes a courageous stab at the issues saying:
The first-time candidate said solid waste, traffic and affordable housing are the top three issues he will tackle with creative solutions.
Gee Les, you must have stayed up nights to discern that those issues are big ones. And wow- the reported fact that you spent most of your life on the mainland has given you great “creative” ideas... even if you have no idea what has been attempted and how these problems obtained their obstacles to resolution.
Kauali`i isn’t saying just what these creative ideas are- his web site has been there for quite a while with no mention of issues.
Had enough claptrap? No? Then try this.
“But I also want to make sure we’re doing all we can to help our kupuna and our children,” he said. “We need to make sure we’re giving the children enough options so they are not resorting to drugs and alcohol ... a horrible problem that affects most of our families.”
What a courageous stand. Glad you told us because we weren’t gonna vote for you because we were afraid you might be one of those people who detests your elders and kids and thinks drug abuse is a-okay. And what about mom and apple pie?
Actually Kualii’s reported background sounds promising.
Kuali‘i said he’s a passionate community organizer dedicated to helping others, and brings more than 20 years of experience in labor, political and community campaigns to the council.
But this little ditty leaves no doubt he’s the usual political climber geared up to suck up to Asing and the good ole boys and not make waves.
Kuali‘i, a Democrat, said he will bring a level head and a cooperative spirit to the seven-member legislative body.
Often it seems like they’re bickering a lot, and I’m sort of a middle-of-the-road moderate person who can work with all kinds of people,” he said. “I know it’ll take a team, too, and I can help.
To be fair it might be the filter of a newspaper interviewer’s questions that makes them sound this way but we don’t see them complaining that their ideas and words were misrepresented. And we doubt an excellent reporter like Nathan Eagle would slant rather than try to fairly represent what either wanted to appear in print.
We urge everyone to ask for specific detailed policy positions this fall as PNN will be doing in our upcoming election questionnaire. And we invite readers to help prepare the questions.
But this being Kaua`i don’t expect to get anything more issue-oriented from them or any candidate... if they can help it.
And right there in a nutshell is what’s wrong with not just Kaua`i politics but now apparently those the national stage as well.
No one in their right mind is happy with the sham of democracy that is American corporate governance. Yet we keep voting for people who not just intimate but make central to their campaign, how they will “get along” with those who made the mess and presumably will be taking those “legal bribes” too, should they win and be given the chance at funding a re-election campaign.
This is usually just the kind of candidate that, you can bet come a couple of Novembers, will be perpetuating the system that perpetuates them.
Somehow entrants in the political fray- from our local entrants to our presidential candidates- actually play down the issues these days, as if policy specifics were an afterthought.
And we’ve dumbed down our expectations to the point where simply being able to list policy issues is a qualification for election.
Have you read some of this Obama poppycock? PNN is (thanks to Jeff Fishman and Lightline) in possession of a letter from a “Kaua`i for Obama” coordinator trying to convince “progressive” voters to continue to support their candidate even though he’s abandoned them on issues, as exemplified by his Senate vote for the Bush-Chaney “Total Information Awareness” government wiretap and corporate immunity bill.
Here’s how Gregg Heacock opened a letter to the faithful entitled
We Are the Winds of Change -The Movement that Drives this Campaign
A storm of controversy arising over Barack Obama's support of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) is testing the unity of our campaign. Many in the campaign arethreatening to jump ship. While some accuse him of being a centrist, and others defend him as a pragmatist, the angriest among us are calling him a traitor. I do not wish to deny the importance of this issue, but I remember being told in my Camp Obama training that the issues can distract us from the true narrative of this campaign (emphasis added).
It goes on to say:
That narrative of differences and values that unite us is "the wind" Barack says "is sweeping across this great land" calling for change.
Imagine, then, that the campaign is a ship, moving toward the horizon, with the captain adjusting the sails to manage the ship through rough currents to get us to a new land. We are the wind that fills the sails and the crew that manages the ship. As the wind, we are free to blow whichever way our intention takes us. As the crew, we need to secure the ship and give respect to the person who leads us. In short, argument is healthy for without wind we are dead in the water. But, we need not to confuse this with working for the campaign. Still, it would be a lax crew that lacked concern for the judgment of its commander.
After pages of more airy-fairy, wishy-washy claptrap (contact us for a full copy) it ends with this:
Our comfort, now, must be in going forward together.
We are the wind; we are the sail; we are the ship; we are the destination. We are eternal; we are now. And, we are not alone.
Abandon all questioning of actual policy all ye who enter, eh?
There’s something in this that sounds kind of like the indoctrination of the “Hitler Youth” in the 30’s... or maybe the Catholic Church... with maybe just a smidgeon of “American Idol” for flavor
The “Camp Obama” events he speaks of were not very widely reported upon but those that did cover the events described not your usual political campaign schools but essentially brainwashing sessions held last summer to send Obazombies out into the countryside.
It was a brilliant bit of nouveau political planning where young impressionables from all over the country gathered and were basically told they didn’t really need the candidate’s or the campaign’s direction or any experience in election campaigning because this was going to be a “different” kind of election where issues are secondary to the “movement”, couching it in terms of “change” and “no more politics as usual” and other stirring euphemistic eradications.
More widely reported was that as state elections neared the national campaign personnel came into many cities and towns and to their surprise found Obama headquarters already there- often staffed with people with no idea what positions the candidate had on the issues but who had nonetheless galvanized the populace in anticipation of the caucuses and primaries.
Political aspirants constantly tell us the problem is that everyone is always arguing and fighting, claiming they will bring a “new way” of governing.
Those just may be the most dangerous candidates. It’s beyond us how the heck someone is going to “change” things by essentially colluding with incumbents.
Sounds a lot less like change than maintenance of the corrupt two-party status quo. But until people stop perpetuating the self-deceit that their democratic options are limited to choosing tweedledumb instead of tweedledumber we’ll be lapping up our regurgitated pabulum for the foreseeable future.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
HOT DOG- ROCKS!
HOT DOG- ROCKS!: It was the smoking gun last August. Days after Superferry defied the Supreme Court and plowed it’s way to Maui after the Circuit court ordered them to stop running thereby stranding cars, we heard one of the trucks sitting at the harbor was filled with Maui river-rocks to be use in an O`ahu imu.
Most thought, based on the sketchy reports, it was a prime example of the abuses the boat would bring but little did we know some of the rather astounding revelations contained in a report in the Maui News today that 934 rock were discovered in three pickup trucks stolen by the Mormon Church under the direction of the bishop.
The slanted article headlined “Truckers’ bid to do good runs afoul of conservation laws
Superferry travelers face fines for trying to take rocks to Oahu” says three men face 9150 in fines.
According to the article:
Charlie Bright, Ralph Chun and Victor Fomoimoana were charged by the state Office of Conservation and Coastal Lands with violating several laws meant to protect conservation districts, according to a staff report scheduled to go to the Board of Land and Natural Resources on July 11...
Under state rules, a permit is required for anyone collecting natural materials such as river rocks from a conservation district. The Iao Stream river mouth and shoreline along Paukukalo, from which the rocks were collected, is conservation district. The men told authorities that they didn't know what they did was against the law.
Off-duty DLNR enforcement Officer Gordon Yen, who was surfing at the time of the alleged incident, also reported seeing the men take the rocks on Aug. 27 from where Iao River converges with the Paukukalo shoreline, a surfing site commonly known as "River Mouth." According to a statement by Yen, he watched the men and then reported the incident to his supervisor that evening...
According to the report prepared by Senior Staff Planner Dawn Hegger, the men said they were directed to pick up rocks for the imu by the bishop of their church after the Hawaii Superferry offered a special $5 introductory fare.
"I've been diving at that spot for years and thought the ferry was a great way to get the rocks back to Honolulu because Honolulu does not have these types of rocks," Chun is quoted as saying in the report. "We make imus to kalua and to help children on Oahu."
Bright told officers that the bishop of his Mormon church told the men to come to Maui and get imu rocks because the church's old rocks were wearing out. The unnamed bishop also told them where to find the rocks on Maui, Bright said.
"We use the rocks to kalua pig for the Boy Scouts and support them through our fundraisers," Bright stated in the DLNR report. "We had good intentions. It was for a good cause. We didn't know it was illegal or that we needed a permit."
It hard to know where to begin. Which is the worst- that the bishop of the Mormon church was involved yet isn’t charged as the ring leader, the dubious claim that he didn’t know that it was illegal, that a year later when the investigation showed it was the church they tried to spin it with a lame “we were trying to do good” excuse or the fact that the Maui News which has been known as the only newspaper which has done hard hitting factual non-fluff pieces on the Superferry has now spun the story this way.
But if indeed somehow their claim of not knowing it was illegal was true that might just be worse. Only a bunch of brainless missionaries would think that they could violate the environmental integrity of a river mouth eco system without repercussions. Only a bunch of culturally repugnant interlopers would even think to do this without asking someone, not just the DLNR but the host cultural practitioners whose gathering rights are protected in PASH laws that specifically don’t allow non-natives to do these kinds of things not just to protect the land but to protect the cultural integrity.
And who doesn’t know these days about the damages of altering a coastline? Do these idiots have their noses buried so deep in their biblical fables that they don’t read the newspapers?
Even more outrageous than the fact that they are claiming not to know it was illegal might be the actual fact that they didn’t think it would be damaging environmentally.
This is a case of willful grand theft by and organized crime operation. A $10,000 fine is not enough for people like this. After the administrative fines are done if a criminal case doesn’t follow there’s something very wrong with our judicial system.
Churches are not above the law and the attempt to portray them as do gooders and claim that that gives them licenses to abuse us is more repugnant that the actual crime.
Most thought, based on the sketchy reports, it was a prime example of the abuses the boat would bring but little did we know some of the rather astounding revelations contained in a report in the Maui News today that 934 rock were discovered in three pickup trucks stolen by the Mormon Church under the direction of the bishop.
The slanted article headlined “Truckers’ bid to do good runs afoul of conservation laws
Superferry travelers face fines for trying to take rocks to Oahu” says three men face 9150 in fines.
According to the article:
Charlie Bright, Ralph Chun and Victor Fomoimoana were charged by the state Office of Conservation and Coastal Lands with violating several laws meant to protect conservation districts, according to a staff report scheduled to go to the Board of Land and Natural Resources on July 11...
Under state rules, a permit is required for anyone collecting natural materials such as river rocks from a conservation district. The Iao Stream river mouth and shoreline along Paukukalo, from which the rocks were collected, is conservation district. The men told authorities that they didn't know what they did was against the law.
Off-duty DLNR enforcement Officer Gordon Yen, who was surfing at the time of the alleged incident, also reported seeing the men take the rocks on Aug. 27 from where Iao River converges with the Paukukalo shoreline, a surfing site commonly known as "River Mouth." According to a statement by Yen, he watched the men and then reported the incident to his supervisor that evening...
According to the report prepared by Senior Staff Planner Dawn Hegger, the men said they were directed to pick up rocks for the imu by the bishop of their church after the Hawaii Superferry offered a special $5 introductory fare.
"I've been diving at that spot for years and thought the ferry was a great way to get the rocks back to Honolulu because Honolulu does not have these types of rocks," Chun is quoted as saying in the report. "We make imus to kalua and to help children on Oahu."
Bright told officers that the bishop of his Mormon church told the men to come to Maui and get imu rocks because the church's old rocks were wearing out. The unnamed bishop also told them where to find the rocks on Maui, Bright said.
"We use the rocks to kalua pig for the Boy Scouts and support them through our fundraisers," Bright stated in the DLNR report. "We had good intentions. It was for a good cause. We didn't know it was illegal or that we needed a permit."
It hard to know where to begin. Which is the worst- that the bishop of the Mormon church was involved yet isn’t charged as the ring leader, the dubious claim that he didn’t know that it was illegal, that a year later when the investigation showed it was the church they tried to spin it with a lame “we were trying to do good” excuse or the fact that the Maui News which has been known as the only newspaper which has done hard hitting factual non-fluff pieces on the Superferry has now spun the story this way.
But if indeed somehow their claim of not knowing it was illegal was true that might just be worse. Only a bunch of brainless missionaries would think that they could violate the environmental integrity of a river mouth eco system without repercussions. Only a bunch of culturally repugnant interlopers would even think to do this without asking someone, not just the DLNR but the host cultural practitioners whose gathering rights are protected in PASH laws that specifically don’t allow non-natives to do these kinds of things not just to protect the land but to protect the cultural integrity.
And who doesn’t know these days about the damages of altering a coastline? Do these idiots have their noses buried so deep in their biblical fables that they don’t read the newspapers?
Even more outrageous than the fact that they are claiming not to know it was illegal might be the actual fact that they didn’t think it would be damaging environmentally.
This is a case of willful grand theft by and organized crime operation. A $10,000 fine is not enough for people like this. After the administrative fines are done if a criminal case doesn’t follow there’s something very wrong with our judicial system.
Churches are not above the law and the attempt to portray them as do gooders and claim that that gives them licenses to abuse us is more repugnant that the actual crime.
Friday, July 4, 2008
DELETERIOUSLY DOGMATIC DEPENDENCE DAY
DELETERIOUSLY DOGMATIC DEPENDENCE DAY: There’s a strange thing that happens every July 4th.. Everywhere your turn people are telling us what they believe in... their country, their god, their politics...
But belief is as far from independence as one can get. It’s a binding restrictive concept that is merely a suspension of disbelief and the opposite of personal sovereignty..
Independence certainly isn’t found in religious, philosophical or political systems. Just the opposite, people join together and facilitate dependence by finding comfort in a common thread, one usually invented by someone else.
Belief is a dumbing-down – a search for a common denominator and in the final analysis it fulfills only our need for belonging not our thirst for knowledge.
When we compromise and generalize our personal knowledge and experiences enough we find common beliefs.
Beliefs like “my county is always right”. Beliefs like “my god is the best god”. Beliefs that a belief is enough to base a lifestyle on... and most of the time fight over with non-believers.
The only thing worse is “my faith my belief”. More are dead due to that little turn of phrase than all other causes combined.
Experience tells us that when we know more details we more likely accomplish our goals. Experience tells us that the person who has thought about and detailed how to accomplish a task more than likely succeeds while the person that just believes it can be done often fails by assuming the facts and methodology don’t matter as much as the belief..
When we believe, we stop figuring it out. When it hurts to think some more, when someone shouts “I don’t want to think about that”, when someone gives you a system of ways to stop thinking for yourself and gives you something you can memorize you’re not independent. You’re a sap.
We believe in capitalism, communism, militarism, colonialism, imperialism, free-market, free-trade, oppressive, repressive, obsessive, regressive, restrictive regimens. Yet we all know the horrors of these things. It’s a matter of experience over beliefs. Yet people still believe in them.
We believe in bibles and Buddahs, Jesuses and Jains, Krishnas and Kabalas, spiritualism, creationism, evangelism and animism, paganism and popes- whatever we need to do to tie up the messy loose ends of what we don’t know by rotely repeating what someone else made up.
We don’t even question our beliefs even though they aren’t even ours. We fudge our own factual scientific knowledge so we can believe a system of magical fables and con jobs because it’s easier on our brains than to fully consider all the possibilities.
Belief is an absurd concept. It’s a scary concept too. You rarely see people willing to kill and die for their knowledge.
Today when we hear some scoundrel of a patriot reading a list of “These Things I Believe” be afraid- be very afraid.
A true Independence Day is free of -isms, and more importantly, -ists. Believe you me.
But belief is as far from independence as one can get. It’s a binding restrictive concept that is merely a suspension of disbelief and the opposite of personal sovereignty..
Independence certainly isn’t found in religious, philosophical or political systems. Just the opposite, people join together and facilitate dependence by finding comfort in a common thread, one usually invented by someone else.
Belief is a dumbing-down – a search for a common denominator and in the final analysis it fulfills only our need for belonging not our thirst for knowledge.
When we compromise and generalize our personal knowledge and experiences enough we find common beliefs.
Beliefs like “my county is always right”. Beliefs like “my god is the best god”. Beliefs that a belief is enough to base a lifestyle on... and most of the time fight over with non-believers.
The only thing worse is “my faith my belief”. More are dead due to that little turn of phrase than all other causes combined.
Experience tells us that when we know more details we more likely accomplish our goals. Experience tells us that the person who has thought about and detailed how to accomplish a task more than likely succeeds while the person that just believes it can be done often fails by assuming the facts and methodology don’t matter as much as the belief..
When we believe, we stop figuring it out. When it hurts to think some more, when someone shouts “I don’t want to think about that”, when someone gives you a system of ways to stop thinking for yourself and gives you something you can memorize you’re not independent. You’re a sap.
We believe in capitalism, communism, militarism, colonialism, imperialism, free-market, free-trade, oppressive, repressive, obsessive, regressive, restrictive regimens. Yet we all know the horrors of these things. It’s a matter of experience over beliefs. Yet people still believe in them.
We believe in bibles and Buddahs, Jesuses and Jains, Krishnas and Kabalas, spiritualism, creationism, evangelism and animism, paganism and popes- whatever we need to do to tie up the messy loose ends of what we don’t know by rotely repeating what someone else made up.
We don’t even question our beliefs even though they aren’t even ours. We fudge our own factual scientific knowledge so we can believe a system of magical fables and con jobs because it’s easier on our brains than to fully consider all the possibilities.
Belief is an absurd concept. It’s a scary concept too. You rarely see people willing to kill and die for their knowledge.
Today when we hear some scoundrel of a patriot reading a list of “These Things I Believe” be afraid- be very afraid.
A true Independence Day is free of -isms, and more importantly, -ists. Believe you me.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
KIBBLE AND BITS
KIBBLE AND BITS: Well we’ve seen it all now. As absurd as the political parrying over the proposed Honolulu rail system has been until now it appears that the Governor has done a political 180 and is going to sign the petition being circulated by the anti-rail people to get the matter on the O`ahu ballot in November.
Let’s see... a brand new transportation system that’s being forced on people who don’t want it, costs hundreds of millions of dollars in a boondoggling scheme by a corrupt administration where the issues are ignored and the whole thing has degenerated into a , partisan, name-calling, NIMBY clash with everyone trying to tell those who don’t want it they’re just selfish, backward and against progress.
It reminds us of something.... can’t quite place it... Oh well, it looks like Mufi’s unified command will be able to push it through regardless of Lingle’s provincial misgivings. Maybe Hanaman should get Barry Fukunaga to help.
Ya gotta say one thing about Linda- she’s consistently inconsistent.
-----------------
Also in the news today is a report of a threat by whale-artist-turned-developer Wyland to buy and re-establish Coco Palms as a hotel despite recent moves to form a partnership and turn the former royal grounds into a Hawaiian cultural park and preserve the location in perpetuity (Honolulu Advertiser: Sunday, January 13, 2008 A Boost for Hawaii land preservation- link no longer available)
Given Wyland’s past reputation for lack of sensistivity to local culture it should be no surpirse that he isn’t waiting to see, or more likely isn’t even aware of- the plans which have involved talks with the Office of Hawaiian affairs, legislative leaders on Kaua`i private organizations and Hawaiian cultural practitioners and activists.
But also in the article is this bit of history revision which in this case is more like the reality of the situation that caused the property to be up for sale after a recent failed development venture.
Coco Palms Ventures, which bought the Wailua resort in 2006 for $12.3 million and put the 18.8-acre property up for sale last September, shelved plans to restore the resort made famous in Elvis Presley's film "Blue Hawaii" in favor of other projects on the East Coast and due to a slowdown in the residential resort market.
For those who might have forgotten the “two local guys from Princeville” who were developing the property turned out to be huge Maryland based shopping center builders and land speculators Richard Weiser and Walt Petrie of the Weiser Companies, Inc. and Petrie Ventures.
When the bottom fell out of the real estate market a couple of years back their speculative development businesses there went sour and they could no longer afford their little Kaua`i venture. So to get out of it without being sued they insisted on putting in a spa in an area where they were told and knew they couldn’t develop.
Then they apparently falsely claimed that they had to abandon the project, not because they no longer had the money but because the spa was “essential” to the resort and they couldn’t go forward without it.
This put dozens of local real estate agents and others who put time and energy into selling units there not just out of business but unpaid- in many cases for more than a year of work.
Not the least of these was real estate agent and former Mayor Marianne Kusaka who, according to a very reliable source, told the source that she had to return millions of dollars in advance money when the project went belly up.
Kusaka publicly denied she was “out there looking for a commission, or looking to sell condos”. but basically ran the sales office where the sales people worked for her without getting paid after the project “fell through”.
---------
Finally today someone mentioned another reason Kaipo Asing might have to take the Mayor’s job temporarily- his pension. Right now it’s based on a salary in the 30 some-odd thousand a year range. Even a short stint at the mayor’s job- at 75 grand- would seriously bump up his retirement payments under the County’s pension scheme.
And yesterday we erred in forgetting the top person who could be out of a job Dec. 1- Gary Heu, the Administrative Assistant and current temporary Mayor.
Let’s see... a brand new transportation system that’s being forced on people who don’t want it, costs hundreds of millions of dollars in a boondoggling scheme by a corrupt administration where the issues are ignored and the whole thing has degenerated into a , partisan, name-calling, NIMBY clash with everyone trying to tell those who don’t want it they’re just selfish, backward and against progress.
It reminds us of something.... can’t quite place it... Oh well, it looks like Mufi’s unified command will be able to push it through regardless of Lingle’s provincial misgivings. Maybe Hanaman should get Barry Fukunaga to help.
Ya gotta say one thing about Linda- she’s consistently inconsistent.
-----------------
Also in the news today is a report of a threat by whale-artist-turned-developer Wyland to buy and re-establish Coco Palms as a hotel despite recent moves to form a partnership and turn the former royal grounds into a Hawaiian cultural park and preserve the location in perpetuity (Honolulu Advertiser: Sunday, January 13, 2008 A Boost for Hawaii land preservation- link no longer available)
Given Wyland’s past reputation for lack of sensistivity to local culture it should be no surpirse that he isn’t waiting to see, or more likely isn’t even aware of- the plans which have involved talks with the Office of Hawaiian affairs, legislative leaders on Kaua`i private organizations and Hawaiian cultural practitioners and activists.
But also in the article is this bit of history revision which in this case is more like the reality of the situation that caused the property to be up for sale after a recent failed development venture.
Coco Palms Ventures, which bought the Wailua resort in 2006 for $12.3 million and put the 18.8-acre property up for sale last September, shelved plans to restore the resort made famous in Elvis Presley's film "Blue Hawaii" in favor of other projects on the East Coast and due to a slowdown in the residential resort market.
For those who might have forgotten the “two local guys from Princeville” who were developing the property turned out to be huge Maryland based shopping center builders and land speculators Richard Weiser and Walt Petrie of the Weiser Companies, Inc. and Petrie Ventures.
When the bottom fell out of the real estate market a couple of years back their speculative development businesses there went sour and they could no longer afford their little Kaua`i venture. So to get out of it without being sued they insisted on putting in a spa in an area where they were told and knew they couldn’t develop.
Then they apparently falsely claimed that they had to abandon the project, not because they no longer had the money but because the spa was “essential” to the resort and they couldn’t go forward without it.
This put dozens of local real estate agents and others who put time and energy into selling units there not just out of business but unpaid- in many cases for more than a year of work.
Not the least of these was real estate agent and former Mayor Marianne Kusaka who, according to a very reliable source, told the source that she had to return millions of dollars in advance money when the project went belly up.
Kusaka publicly denied she was “out there looking for a commission, or looking to sell condos”. but basically ran the sales office where the sales people worked for her without getting paid after the project “fell through”.
---------
Finally today someone mentioned another reason Kaipo Asing might have to take the Mayor’s job temporarily- his pension. Right now it’s based on a salary in the 30 some-odd thousand a year range. Even a short stint at the mayor’s job- at 75 grand- would seriously bump up his retirement payments under the County’s pension scheme.
And yesterday we erred in forgetting the top person who could be out of a job Dec. 1- Gary Heu, the Administrative Assistant and current temporary Mayor.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
IN THE HUNT
IN THE HUNT: With today’s announcement of next Monday’s (July 7) Council meeting to select the new mayor, notwithstanding the upheaval of the Council, the mayor’s office and the political community the ones who are going to be most directly affected by Mayor Bryan Baptiste’s untimely death are those who benefited most by his incumbency- the non-civil-service agency and department heads that are appointed by the mayor.
Since the term of the mayor was increased from two to four years in 1990, with the exception of JoAnn Yukimura’s six-year administration, a minimum eight years of employment if desired was the rule for many of those appointed and with two successive Republican administrations some appointees have had 14 years to reign in positions that are normally high turnover jobs.
By our count there are at least 22 departments and agencies with “heads” but of those five have a chief that is selected by a board or commission. One other, the Prosecuting Attorney, is elected and is up for election this year.
Although the members of those boards and commissions that appoint the heads of their departments are unpaid and generally appointed by the Mayor their terms do not necessarily coincide with the terms of the mayors so the job of director or chief is not immediately up for grabs this December 1 when the new mayor takes office. Any turnover will theoretically be gradual and the new mayor’s influence will be slowly felt rather than abruptly.
In no particular order, as best we can determine- since the county’s web site is such a wealth of lack of information regarding personnel- those who thought they had jobs until 2010 but don’t necessarily now, include:
Convention Hall manager- Eddie Sarita
Public Information Officer- Mary Daubert
“Ka Leo” Coordinators: (2) Catherine Stovall; William Trugillo
Anti Drug Coordinator- Theresa Koki
ADA Coordinator- Christina Pilkington
Finance Department Director -Wally Rezentes Jr.
Agency on Elderly Affairs Director- Kealoha Takahashi
Housing Agency Director- Ken Rainforth
Transportation Agency Director- Janine Rapozo
Office of Economic Development Director - Beth Tokioka
Personnel services Director - Malcolm Fernandez
County engineer (Public Works Director) Donald Fujimoto
Civil defense Director- Mark Marshall
Parks and Recreation Director- Bernard Carvalho
County Attorney- Matthew Pyun
The Fire and Police Department Chiefs and Liquor Commissioner are selected by their respective boards and in all but Fire, whose chief just went from being a mayoral appointment to being commission selected, all have traditionally been fairly autonomous in their selection of their leaders even though the political pressure and ties are apparent. The Water Department is “semi-independent” and the Water Board, most of whom are appointed by the Mayor, appoints their “manager”
The exception to all this is the Planning Director who, although he or she is supposed to be selected by the Planning Commission has always been a de facto mayoral appointee with the mayor .“proposing” the director and the usually befuddled Commission rubber stamping the choice who is supposed to function as the Commission’s “clerk” but acts as their boss in practice.
This top planner spot has been filled since 2002 by Ian Costa a bulldog ally and supporter of Baptiste’s who previously had no planning experience, having served as the de facto county engineer on and off through the Kusaka administration since he was not qualified for the job, holding an architecture degree which satisfied the requirements for Planning Director but not those for county engineer.
By our count there are at least 16 – and a few more with the mayor’s staff (we weren’t able to confirm how many there are but there are at least two more not listed here) who are looking at getting new jobs.
Plus most departments have appointed deputy directors. Although former Mayor Marianne Kusaka tried to directly appoint even the deputy directors in the various departments in violation of the charter- and even got her County Attorney Hartwell Blake to publish a far fetched opinion saying as much, though that was overturned after she left office- they are in essence indirect mayoral appointees since the director who selects his or her deputy works at the pleasure of the mayor and is presumed to have cleared appointees through the boss.
All in all there are up to- and very possibly more than- 50 County jobs like this that are not civil service and are thus under the direct or indirect control of the whims of the mayor.
And guess what- the “full employment for Republicans” program is about to end with no viable Republican candidate on the horizon.
And, since most if not all of the possible candidates are current councilmembers it is a pretty sure bet that their disgust with dealing with most of the current crop of department and agency honchos will be reflected in their appointments this December.
There are exceptions. Despite the political nature of the appointments some appointees are incredibly diligent, competent and non-partisan and one or two even go back to the last Democratic administration, Yukimura’s.
The question is whether this will even be an issue in this election despite the fact that the corruption and incompetence of administration appointees is an accepted reality among Kaua`i voters to the point where many are advocating ridding ourselves of an administrative mayor and going to a council appointed “county manager” system and a ceremonial mayor.
We can’t remember an election where the choices for these vital departmental and agency appointments were even mentioned by any candidate much less an issue for the electorate.
For those who plan to get involved in the various mayoral campaigns perhaps the best insight into how a prospective mayor will administrate might be to question them on the current people and whether they plan to keep them and if not whom they would appoint.
Watch for many of the doomed to have soft landings especially the most corrupt as they take executive positions with those who do business with their former departments. It’s the honest and competent ones who will get caught in the political squeeze and may have to dust off those resumes and beat the pavement.
Either way look for a lot more respectful and obedient appearances before the Council during the next five months for those who thought they had a job for two more years and are now finding themselves likely unemployed December 1.
Since the term of the mayor was increased from two to four years in 1990, with the exception of JoAnn Yukimura’s six-year administration, a minimum eight years of employment if desired was the rule for many of those appointed and with two successive Republican administrations some appointees have had 14 years to reign in positions that are normally high turnover jobs.
By our count there are at least 22 departments and agencies with “heads” but of those five have a chief that is selected by a board or commission. One other, the Prosecuting Attorney, is elected and is up for election this year.
Although the members of those boards and commissions that appoint the heads of their departments are unpaid and generally appointed by the Mayor their terms do not necessarily coincide with the terms of the mayors so the job of director or chief is not immediately up for grabs this December 1 when the new mayor takes office. Any turnover will theoretically be gradual and the new mayor’s influence will be slowly felt rather than abruptly.
In no particular order, as best we can determine- since the county’s web site is such a wealth of lack of information regarding personnel- those who thought they had jobs until 2010 but don’t necessarily now, include:
Convention Hall manager- Eddie Sarita
Public Information Officer- Mary Daubert
“Ka Leo” Coordinators: (2) Catherine Stovall; William Trugillo
Anti Drug Coordinator- Theresa Koki
ADA Coordinator- Christina Pilkington
Finance Department Director -Wally Rezentes Jr.
Agency on Elderly Affairs Director- Kealoha Takahashi
Housing Agency Director- Ken Rainforth
Transportation Agency Director- Janine Rapozo
Office of Economic Development Director - Beth Tokioka
Personnel services Director - Malcolm Fernandez
County engineer (Public Works Director) Donald Fujimoto
Civil defense Director- Mark Marshall
Parks and Recreation Director- Bernard Carvalho
County Attorney- Matthew Pyun
The Fire and Police Department Chiefs and Liquor Commissioner are selected by their respective boards and in all but Fire, whose chief just went from being a mayoral appointment to being commission selected, all have traditionally been fairly autonomous in their selection of their leaders even though the political pressure and ties are apparent. The Water Department is “semi-independent” and the Water Board, most of whom are appointed by the Mayor, appoints their “manager”
The exception to all this is the Planning Director who, although he or she is supposed to be selected by the Planning Commission has always been a de facto mayoral appointee with the mayor .“proposing” the director and the usually befuddled Commission rubber stamping the choice who is supposed to function as the Commission’s “clerk” but acts as their boss in practice.
This top planner spot has been filled since 2002 by Ian Costa a bulldog ally and supporter of Baptiste’s who previously had no planning experience, having served as the de facto county engineer on and off through the Kusaka administration since he was not qualified for the job, holding an architecture degree which satisfied the requirements for Planning Director but not those for county engineer.
By our count there are at least 16 – and a few more with the mayor’s staff (we weren’t able to confirm how many there are but there are at least two more not listed here) who are looking at getting new jobs.
Plus most departments have appointed deputy directors. Although former Mayor Marianne Kusaka tried to directly appoint even the deputy directors in the various departments in violation of the charter- and even got her County Attorney Hartwell Blake to publish a far fetched opinion saying as much, though that was overturned after she left office- they are in essence indirect mayoral appointees since the director who selects his or her deputy works at the pleasure of the mayor and is presumed to have cleared appointees through the boss.
All in all there are up to- and very possibly more than- 50 County jobs like this that are not civil service and are thus under the direct or indirect control of the whims of the mayor.
And guess what- the “full employment for Republicans” program is about to end with no viable Republican candidate on the horizon.
And, since most if not all of the possible candidates are current councilmembers it is a pretty sure bet that their disgust with dealing with most of the current crop of department and agency honchos will be reflected in their appointments this December.
There are exceptions. Despite the political nature of the appointments some appointees are incredibly diligent, competent and non-partisan and one or two even go back to the last Democratic administration, Yukimura’s.
The question is whether this will even be an issue in this election despite the fact that the corruption and incompetence of administration appointees is an accepted reality among Kaua`i voters to the point where many are advocating ridding ourselves of an administrative mayor and going to a council appointed “county manager” system and a ceremonial mayor.
We can’t remember an election where the choices for these vital departmental and agency appointments were even mentioned by any candidate much less an issue for the electorate.
For those who plan to get involved in the various mayoral campaigns perhaps the best insight into how a prospective mayor will administrate might be to question them on the current people and whether they plan to keep them and if not whom they would appoint.
Watch for many of the doomed to have soft landings especially the most corrupt as they take executive positions with those who do business with their former departments. It’s the honest and competent ones who will get caught in the political squeeze and may have to dust off those resumes and beat the pavement.
Either way look for a lot more respectful and obedient appearances before the Council during the next five months for those who thought they had a job for two more years and are now finding themselves likely unemployed December 1.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
HEY- THAT’S MY SACRED DOG DISH
HEY- THAT’S MY SACRED DOG DISH: After falling out of our chair this morning we got to thinking about the latest statement from developer Joe Brescia who still wants to put his house atop a kanaka graveyard despite a police warning that to do so would violate state anti-desecration laws.
The local paper reports that he told them:
“The law was obviously designed to punish those persons who desecrate burials without authorization.”
Sometimes there are so many different government departments, divisions and offices we can’t keep track of them all. And obviously we missed the one Brescia must be referring to.
We’re pretty sure never-say-die Brescia’s telephone call went something like this:
Hello, Office of Desecration Authorization and Permitting.
Yes I’d like to perform some desecration. Have I reached the right person?
You sure have. What can I help you defile today?
Well it seems like I have these old bones on my property and those jerks put them right where I want to put my obscenely obtrusive illegal vacation rental....
Are they Hawaiian bones?
Yes – they aren’t even white people!
Well nonetheless you have to have a permit to commit sacrilege in this state even against those godless Hawaiians. Now how many are buried there?
There’s at least 30 sets of them.
Oh. my- 30, eh. Well that means you will need a Comprehensive Desecration Permit and don’t qualify for the two-graves-or-less provisions where I could just issue you a Minor Insult Permit today. Now exactly how many people have had their sensibilities outraged?
Well, I’m not sure- there were at least a hundred protesters out there when I....
Hold it right there sir- do you have the names and contact information for those you want to offend?
Well, no but...
Well you must document the names of the persons you’d like to disrespect and provide us with the specific ways each would be likely to observe or discover your actions in order to get authorization to perform your sullying. That involves notifying the specific persons affronted and calculating the level of offensiveness each experienced so you can file your form FU-13 Defilement Filing.
File my defilement filing?...
Yes. Then of course you’ll be publishing your Public Notice of Intent to Desecrate and hold a public hearing....
Public hearing?...
Yes how else can the Desecration Commission tell whether it’s a true sacrilege or just an imposition upon the culture. Now how exactly do you plan to despoil these bones?
I just want to put a house on top of them.
Oh- a house, eh. Then you’ll need to fill out a special GH-100 Spiritual Retaliation Waiver form releasing the Commission of all future liability for ghostly events and apparitions - you know, night marching warriors, fireballs, crying aumakua- you probably know them better as specters, phantoms, poltergeists and the like. It’s all quite common....
Well it’s all quite daunting if you ask me but I suppose I’ve manipulated and paid off so many offices and officials that, well, what’s one more?
Fine sir- we’ll send you our 150 page pamphlet, “So you want to Desecrate Our Host Culture”. Where shall we send it?
Just address it to the biggest jerk in Wainiha. I’ll get it.
Are you sure? I hear there’s a lot of them lately?
Hey- I’ve fought hard for that title. If I know anything it’s how big an a-hole I am..
Very well sir- Is there anything else we can help you thumb your nose at today?
No, I’ve done enough damage for now.
Thank you sir and have a very blasphemous day.
The local paper reports that he told them:
“The law was obviously designed to punish those persons who desecrate burials without authorization.”
Sometimes there are so many different government departments, divisions and offices we can’t keep track of them all. And obviously we missed the one Brescia must be referring to.
We’re pretty sure never-say-die Brescia’s telephone call went something like this:
Hello, Office of Desecration Authorization and Permitting.
Yes I’d like to perform some desecration. Have I reached the right person?
You sure have. What can I help you defile today?
Well it seems like I have these old bones on my property and those jerks put them right where I want to put my obscenely obtrusive illegal vacation rental....
Are they Hawaiian bones?
Yes – they aren’t even white people!
Well nonetheless you have to have a permit to commit sacrilege in this state even against those godless Hawaiians. Now how many are buried there?
There’s at least 30 sets of them.
Oh. my- 30, eh. Well that means you will need a Comprehensive Desecration Permit and don’t qualify for the two-graves-or-less provisions where I could just issue you a Minor Insult Permit today. Now exactly how many people have had their sensibilities outraged?
Well, I’m not sure- there were at least a hundred protesters out there when I....
Hold it right there sir- do you have the names and contact information for those you want to offend?
Well, no but...
Well you must document the names of the persons you’d like to disrespect and provide us with the specific ways each would be likely to observe or discover your actions in order to get authorization to perform your sullying. That involves notifying the specific persons affronted and calculating the level of offensiveness each experienced so you can file your form FU-13 Defilement Filing.
File my defilement filing?...
Yes. Then of course you’ll be publishing your Public Notice of Intent to Desecrate and hold a public hearing....
Public hearing?...
Yes how else can the Desecration Commission tell whether it’s a true sacrilege or just an imposition upon the culture. Now how exactly do you plan to despoil these bones?
I just want to put a house on top of them.
Oh- a house, eh. Then you’ll need to fill out a special GH-100 Spiritual Retaliation Waiver form releasing the Commission of all future liability for ghostly events and apparitions - you know, night marching warriors, fireballs, crying aumakua- you probably know them better as specters, phantoms, poltergeists and the like. It’s all quite common....
Well it’s all quite daunting if you ask me but I suppose I’ve manipulated and paid off so many offices and officials that, well, what’s one more?
Fine sir- we’ll send you our 150 page pamphlet, “So you want to Desecrate Our Host Culture”. Where shall we send it?
Just address it to the biggest jerk in Wainiha. I’ll get it.
Are you sure? I hear there’s a lot of them lately?
Hey- I’ve fought hard for that title. If I know anything it’s how big an a-hole I am..
Very well sir- Is there anything else we can help you thumb your nose at today?
No, I’ve done enough damage for now.
Thank you sir and have a very blasphemous day.
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