THEY CALL ME A DOG WHEN I’M DOWN

THEY CALL ME A DOG WHEN I’M DOWN: For decades Kaua`i suffered from an inferiority complex when it comes to recognition of the ability of our politicians and business leaders to run a pervasively corrupt system of governance.

Oh we knew WE were good at promulgating done deals and kickback schemes while feigning incompetence but far from our shores recognition was hard to come by.

Not that we don’t have people that are excellently crooked. But they go about exploiting-if not breaking- the law and lining their pockets with a bit of a free pass for a certain brand of amateurism that can only stand in an apathetic beaten-down populace like ours.

So imagine our pride in recent times when our Ethics Board became a wholly owned subsidiary of the county council, administration and big land-owning developers, shrugging off blatant violations by all three with a “What Me Worry?” shrug of Grove Farm’s Mark “Alfred E”. Hubbard’s shoulders.

And our self-worth as a world-class kleptocracy was certainly boosted when our own Council’s scheme to keep public policy decisions out of the public eye- by shoving County Attorney opinions down their pants and using attorney client provisions to hide everything else - was appropriated and implemented by the Unified Command of Governor Linda “Admiral” Lingle and His Fraudulency Attorney General Mark Bennett, who perfected the Kaua`i initiated shell game.

And we knew it was another ostrich plume in our featherbedded cap when Kaipo “the Duke” Asing somehow manipulated and ignored enough laws to actually serve as Mayor and Council Chair at the same time, paternalistically passing legislation so he could sign it as Mayor.

And yesterday in the Kaua`i Council Chambers, after the last strains of “All Around the Mulberry Bush” were played and the Musical Chairs extravaganza wound down with a new Chair being installed, we were dazzlingly impressed with the political mischief-making skills of mayoral candidates Mel Rapozo.

Mel reportedly grabbed a “done deal” bill to turn the coastal bike path into the Westminster Kennel Club, stealing it out from under bill-supporting Parks and Rec Committee Chair Tim Bynum by taking the Committee Chair itself away and parking his okole in it where he can now guide the bill to a certain death.

But alas we were again shown to be the bumpkins we are when compared to the machinations of various and sundry office seekers in Honolulu who, when the music stopped, apparently pulled out their own folding chairs and a new set of rules in order to stay in the game.

Begging the question when it’s 4:30 in Honolulu, what time is it in Honolulu Hale?

In case anyone has not been following the improbable chain of events on Tuesday in the County Clerk’s office in Honolulu, a last day decision by a councilwoman to run against the mayor this fall spurred the state house majority leader to seek her council seat and give up his legislative slot. That caused an aide to the mayor to run down 40 minutes before the deadline to file to run for the legislator’s seat only to find a line so long she couldn’t get the papers until 4:25.

So when the office doors were locked at 4:30 she wasn’t back with her 15 signatures.

And when the majority leader’s petition was verified it was one signature short.

Should they count? Should they be left in the cold? What to do- what to do?.

Who ya gonna call? The corporation council? The attorney general?

No, call the head of the Democratic Party. Shockingly he advised them to take the petition from the late filer at 10 to five and to allow a member of the clerk’s staff to provide the 15th signature for the insufficient petition so the two Democrats could run.

OK- you guys win... for now. But watch out- we’ll be back. No matter who’s elected here in November we have, if not indictments, convictions that our new mayor and council will be up to the task of uplifting our “Separate Hackdom” once again and reestablishing our title as the renowned, world-class sewer of unbridled avarice and arrogance... still the worst little politicians money can buy.