GRRRRRR

GRRRRRR: OK- it’s go time.

Through all this “Blood Alley” crap, including today’s announcement of a ludicrous and possibly more treacherous diminution of the speed limit from 50 to 40 on the stretch of road between Hanama`ulu and Wailua, no one- not the cops, not the state DOT, not the scribes of the dozens of letters and certainly not those who died- has said what anyone who drives that stretch a few times can tell you about what causes many of those accidents.

The fact is that for some reason word has not reach the shores of Kaua`i that:

THE LEFT HAND LANE IS FOR PASSING ONLY YOU FREAKIN’ IDIOT.

When the stretch was expanded from two to three lanes- a disaster waiting to happen to begin with- it was the first place on the eastside where there was actually a “passing lane”.

Kaua`i drivers, unsure of what to do with this newfound freedom to pass Mr. Magoo, didn’t heed the “keep right” rule, in part because the DOT didn’t bother to put up a sign to that effect for a number of years.

And, apparently- we say apparently because to this day no one seems quite sure- Hawai`i is the only place we know of other than New York City where passing on the right is legal, if not safe.

But legal or not it seemingly doesn’t occur to most that if cars are zooming past you on the right- many screaming obscenities and giving the one-finger salute- you just might be doing something wrong.

After the grand opening the stream of traffic stayed in the left hand lane and passing on the right became de rigor, except for tourists who, not knowing what the heck was going on got into the right lane when the road expanded.

So now we have some Magoos in the left lane and others in the right hand lane while Larry Leadfoot, who needs get to the next stoplight three seconds earlier, gets frustrated enough to tailgate one or the other- or alternatingly both- zigzagging in and out of the two lanes of traffic both going 40 MPH side by side.

But KPD is still out there ticketing- if they can get through the traffic and catch up to anyone- the speeders and turning a blind eye to the oblivious obstructer in the left hand “passing lane” whose steering wheel apparently doesn’t have the ability to guide them into the right hand lane.

So the DOT- most likely at the behest of a gaggle of engineers from Honolulu who rarely if ever drive the stretch- decides in its wisdom to slow down ALL the traffic so old Larry will be zooming in and out of not just the Magoos but everyone else following the speed limit but not do anything about alerting us to the ”keep right, you moron” rule of the road.

Maybe the DOT engineers- obvious graduates of the Rube Goldberg School of Urban Design- are all out of stupid things to do with Kaua`i traffic after designing all those hedge-maze interchanges and “Burma Shave” style series’ of signs on the west side that say “Speed Limit 50, Speed Limit 40 Ahead. Speed Limit 40, Speed Limit 35 Ahead, Speed Limit 35, Speed Limit 25 ahead, Speed Limit 25,” then suddenly “Speed Limit 50”... all within a thousand feet... all at around a thousand bucks a sign.

Can’t anyone here play this game?