'TAIN'T FUNNY MAKIMO

Frankly we haven't exactly been the President of the Kimo Rosen Fan Club over the years. We don't think we've even read one of his columns. Ever since he was virtually the only one on Kaua`i riding the Superferry bandwagon his markedly wise-ass-settler views have been widely viewed as insulting to the host culture and local community.


But all schadenfreude aside it's outrageous that he has not only been forced to apologize for an innocuous "joke" on Facebook but the local newspaper has taken his weekly column away from him after he wrote that the “(b)est thing we could do is get 1,000 gallons of gas and burn it down,” referring to the old ruins of the Coco Palms hotel- a day or so before fire destroyed it.


The paper has announced that "Rosen was a contributing columnist for The Garden Island. His column has been suspended in light of recent events."


They say the only sin in crafting a joke is not being funny. We're sure we've been guilty of that but we can't help thinking "there but for the grace" of whatever-it-is that bestows grace. Had we been the one caught in the wheel of unfortunate timing we'd have probably told the press to shove it and hung out "Psychic For Hire" shingle.


But then telling the the local paper to shove their column is something we've never had the distinct pleasure of doing, having been pen-sona non grata there since the day legendary editor Jean Holmes retired.


Rosen has apparently chosen to grovel, quoted by the paper as saying:


“It was coincidence and eerie timing that the Coco Palms would go up in flames after making the comment,” Rosen wrote in a statement. “I have learned from my mistake and will not be commenting anymore on any Facebook pages besides those I know personally. I am thinking of not commenting and just sticking to the “Like” button. I am truly sorry, especially to (Coco Palms care taker) Mr. Bob Jasper. I would never consider such an evil act as arson. The irony is I hate fireworks and anything that has to do with fire. I consider myself an honest man and could never live with myself if I was ever part of anything so destructive...


“I have learned and hope to pass this on to everyone, that words are powerful and should be measured carefully,” he wrote. “Mahalo for giving me this space to express myself. Thank you TGI and my apologies to the Mr. Bob Jasper and the Coco Palms community.”


It's not like he pulled a Donald Sterling... or for that matter a Ben Cayetano who was chastised by Dave Shapiro today for using the phrase "let's call a spade a spade" in referring to President Obama's Syria policy- also on Facebook.


Rosen simply gave voice to what 99% of Kaua`i residents have thought on one occasion or another, as he pointed out the day before in the Honolulu Star-Advertiser.


Having not come across one person who doesn't think it was arson, that apparently makes everyone just as "guilty" as Rosen although what it is we're guilty of isn't quite apparent.


The fact is that arson by the owners seems unlikely since the fire is going to add a huge expense to any dismantling effort since the asbestos removal phase is going to be that much costlier of a nightmare... although a Star-Advertiser story says that Jasper told them that the elements that were destroyed in the blaze- apparently the lagoons building, offices and breezeway- were to be preserved in the latest attempt to eventually reopen the resort... the first time such details have been "revealed."


Many had assumed the place would have been be razed and replaced but the old original Iniki rebuilding ordinance- which was extended yet again by the Kaua`i County Council last year just for the current iteration of the rebuilding effort- would seem to restrict that and actually pertains to structures that were destroyed "50% or less."


How that affects the current plans is probably going to take a team of lawyers to figure out.


We can't say we'll miss Kimo's weekly non-sequitors and banal banter. But then we wouldn’t miss anything important if today's "all-the-news about churches, dogs, jogging and the Rotary Club, all-the-time" from a bunch of misinformed malahini were to disappear either.


Although, as has been the case with the current iteration of the local Kaua`i newspaper, less is seemingly more, Kimo might just have been the most informative and witty thing in the paper.