OF SEWERS AND SKEWERS

OF SEWERS AND SKEWERS: The characterization of Kaua`i County government as an open cesspool has been more than appropriate for as long as we can remember. Sometime we feel like our function in life over the past few decades has been to observe the surface and provide commentary on the largest and smelliest of the visible and odoriferous of contents--the "turd de jour" if you will.

But there is one exemplary piece of excrement that seems to resurface with regularity: the gold-plated, iconic fecality of the re-re-re-roofing of the Kilauea Gym.

When we saw it on the county council agenda a few weeks back we assumed our recent cataract surgery had been a failure. Surely the leakiest roof in the west had been fixed "once and for all" the last time it was fixed "once and for all."

That was back in 2003 when, after at least two previous attempts at stopping the perennial waterfall that flooded the basketball court with every precipitation, the county hired an independent consultant to watch over the other consultants that watched over the buildings division that watched over the Public Works Department that watched over the contractor that built the roof that covered the house that built Jack-sh*t.

The first re-roofing was done after Hurricane `Iniki knocked off the original one- which we can remember leaking in the 70s. But that "new" roof stopped fulfilling it's function (if it ever "filled" it in the first place as some old-timers speculate) as soon as the FEMA warranty ran out after two years in 1999, Council Chair Jay Furfaro told the assembled last Wednesday. Attempts at fixing it, including first patching it followed by a brilliant scheme to build a roof covering the leaky roof, finally culminated in the county getting, well, Jacked-up, as we described above

Actually back when it had only been re-roofed twice it had become so archetypical of Department of Public Works' (DPW) incompetency that it was the key factor in various schemes by the council to "launch and investigation" into DPW under Charter section 3.17- the only provision in the guiding county document that allows the council to "interfere" in the functions of the administration.

The matter appeared on the council agenda repeatedly. This was during the "fog" years when a thick layer of snooze-inducing, mumbling whispers from DPW engineers and assorted functionaries routinely caused the council to react like Dorothy and her crew entering the poppy fields upon their first glimpse of Oz.

After hagglin' and stragglin'- mostly over how to proceed with an "investigation" thus allowing stonewalling by councilmembers, especially those who routinely addressed DPW officials as "my good friend"- it all culminated in a charter amendment setting up the Office of the County Auditor.

The Auditor, who serves at the pleasure and under the direction of the council, has actually completed an audit of the "re-roofing" of the Kilauea Gym. But it was published before the current leak was discovered during the recent big rains in March. And nobody really knows what it says because it doesn't seem to be posted at the Auditor's page on the county web site.


But guess what? The DPW- specifically the buildings division which is the place that building projects are overseen- has "handed off" the Kilauea Gym to the newly created Department of Parks and Recreation overseen by the usually stumblin' and bumblin' Lenny Rapozo, whose main qualification for the job was that he managed the campaign of Mayor Bernard Carvalho Jr. in the last election.

But never fear. Even though shovels of money have been poured into past efforts, the latest answer to the musical question, "Who'll Stop The Rain?" is "Lenny," who says he has $120,000 floating around in his budget to hire (drum roll please) another consultant--one who this time will certainly figure out what to do about the the fact that the old man has apparently been snoring while it's raining and pouring.

Oh yeah, we forgot, turns out the front door of the gym also leaks when it rains hard because not only was the entire gym designed improperly with the door facing windward (the direction from which rain usually comes) but there is no "awning" or "eave" over the door and apparently the door is not water tight either. So the rain comes through the door and the floor is now "cupping" where the rain has blown in and pooled.

Oh, and the "warranty" on the labor on the current roof? Wouldn't you know it, darn the luck. it's just run out because somehow, despite the fact that there had been nothing but problems with the leaky roof for decades, the county failed to obtain a "lifetime" warranty.

It would seem that if there is indeed another "design flaw" someone- perhaps the contractors and/or consultants- should be held responsible. But of course the county will most likely only be able to prove this if we hire outside attorneys, and that would probably cost ten times what a new roof would cost.

The council has instructed Rapozo to report back in July. That should give us plenty of time to get a new pair of binoculars and a set of top-of-the-line nose plugs. We'll leave it to the council to purchase diving equipment- that's why they get the big bucks.

THE BITE ISN’T BLEEDING MUCH AND AW, HE’S SO CUTE

THE BITE ISN’T BLEEDING MUCH AND AW, HE’S SO CUTE: We’ve got a buddy who never tires of asking us, in referring to our apparent obsession with Kaua`i politics, “So, you still got your nose in the cesspool?”.

And apparently it was all for naught when for a few days we took on the absurd machinations of the “City and County” only to hear “so now you’ve got your nose in a bigger cesspool”

Perhaps our fascination with our leader’s excrement is because of this penchant of much of the citizenry to excuse our government officials with the basketball cliché of “no blood, no foul” when confronted with the a level of lawlessness that is apparently ok unless our personal ox is actually killed, not merely gored.

Yesterday we got an email from a usually astute observer who said it didn’t matter who exactly was being replaced in the Honolulu Hale filing deadline fiasco we focused on over the past few days because they had already chosen a replacement candidate.

And today, in an appropriately entitled piece “Phew, Somebody Forgot to Flush” former Honolulu Star Bulletin Editor and current Advertiser blogger Dave Shapiro detailed some of the story- without shedding any new light- regarding the events Tuesday and since.

But instead of squeezing off a bit of his usual righteous indignation he ended his piece by saying

But let’s be real: What are the chances that Democratic patronage workers are going to tell the House Democratic majority leader who is supported by the Democratic mayor of Honolulu that he can’t run.

Then today, in another plop in the potty, Honolulu Advertiser reporter and blogger Derrick DePledge detailed the latest flouting of the law, this time by the state’s Chief Elections Officer Kevin Cronin.

It appears Cronin didn’t bother to - and wasn’t apparently bothered by the fact that he failed to- fulfill the requirements for his job by failing to register to vote when he came here from Wisconsin in February.

When, after a tip, DePledge asked Cronin if he was indeed “a registered voter of the State” as the law states he must be, Cronin reportedly replied “It was one of those things that I never got around to doing, Thank you for reminding me.”

You would expect the outrage would be gushing like an open artery not only at the lawless arrogance and stupidity but the fact that Cronin- who was ultimately responsible for the Tuesday screw ups- is being sued over his awarding of a contract to a Hart Election Systems that bid $41 million to count our votes instead of a $19 million ES&S bid and apparently he made the decision knowing he didn’t validly hold the job... a point we expect ES&S to raise in court.

Cronin reportedly has had prior associations with Hart and ESS was the preferred contractor under former Chief Elections Office Dwayne Yoshina who was replaced, many observers say, due to partisan-based political maneuverings by the current administration.

But among the comments in DePledge’s blog was one that voices the who cares mantra with clarity

First “Bryan” expressed the requisite minimal indignation by saying:

Never got around to doing, what a load of crock!!... This tells us 1 of 2 things, either Cronin is hiding something (maybe his resident status back in Wisconisin) or he is just too stupid to understand the law. Either one dosn’t look good for us voters.

But “Jane” was seemingly unfazed saying:

Isn’t it a requirement by the State of Hawaii for new employees to sign a Declaration of Residency? I had to. If Cronin did this, the whole issues is much ado about nothing. Maybe he was waiting to find permanent residency, maybe... other election issues took precedent- expand your mind Bryon and don’t be so pessimistic.. the failing of Hawaiian schools-now that is something to be concerned about.

The fact is that if Cronin was not a registered voter until now, he could not have legally held the job. And if he never legally held the job he could not have legally and officially made the decisions attributed to him. All actions done in his capacity as Chief Elections Officer should be null and void.

What is it that rouses the rabble when hearing someone stuffed a boar’s head in the toilet amongst the graffiti in the brand-new, always-filthy, county bathrooms in Kealia but keeps us ho-humming it all when everyone from the president to the three pig-headed law-breakers running for Kaua`i Mayor take a dump on our law books?

It’s bad enough when they actually pull off their crimes and no one cares. But the worst may be when an official’s illegal actions don’t accomplish the deed-most-foul they had in mind and so people think it’s time to “move on”.

If I’m doing 80 in a school zone I don’t get to “move on” just because I didn’t hit a kid. If I try to rob a bank and don’t get any money the FBI won’t send me along my merry way..

Are we still so ingrained with plantation mentality that we allow our mucky mucks to do whatever they want as long as their corrupt attempts use their office to gain advantage fail?

Don’t answer Ralphie-boy- Norton can’t hear you down here in the sewer.