Thursday, March 31, 2011


LETTING THE CRAP OUT OF THE BAG: The sale of Kaua`i Coffee to "coffee giant" Massimo Zanetti Beverage (MZB) can't come as a shock to anyone who has seen their annual reports where the fact that they haven't been able to turn profits is there in black and white.

But in a combination silk purse/sow's ear - lipstick-on-a-pig way what the heck did anyone expect?

Because, what we said after a spit-take during a "coffee break" on our Parxist Conspiracy newsmagazine in 1994, remains true today..."IT SUCKS."

As we explained in the segment, McBride didn't then- and doesn't now- understand what they have... and more importantly what they don't have.

The "biggest coffee plantation in the US" not only raises what is normally a mountain-grown crop in a lowlands location but it then harvests the cherries with machines as opposed to the usual hand picking that yields a "premium product." That means that what is an inferior product coming out of the ground is being reaped with ripe and unripe beans mixed together.

And although it's said that most of producing a premium product is in the drying and roasting you still have to start with a decent product.

But McBride still tried to sell Kaua`i Coffee in those little 8-10 oz. bags as a premium product meaning that anyone who tasted it along side a real up-scale market brand never came back for a second bag. The novelty wears thin and you'll never turn a profit selling it one bag at a time to unsuspecting tourists or locals who had their taste buds shot off in a hunting accident.

The key here is what it said in the local newspaper about Massimo Zanetti.

In the penultimate paragraph it was revealed that:

Some of the brands being handled by MZB include Chock full o’ Nuts, Hills Bros., Hills Bros. Cappuccino, Segafredo Zanetti, Chase and Sanborn, MJB, Corporate Brands and Segafredo Caf├ęs.

Of course anyone who has ever been down the coffee isle at the supermarket knows that those are the brand names of that pre-ground crap you get in a can- the stuff that people who don’t care what their coffee tastes like buy because it's cheaper.

Perhaps now the Kalaheo fields can now turn a profit after finding the right price and, just as important, packaging.

Because unlike the marketing dunderheads at McBride who apparently thought they were still raising sugar cane, MZB apparently knows who they are and what they sell- an inferior product at an appropriate price.