SILENT BUT DEADLY

SILENT BUT DEADLY: We're old enough to remember when there were still "water closets"- those big boxes installed way up on the wall above toilet bowls that, when you pulled the chain, released a torrent of water so noisy that everyone in the restaurant had to pause conversation until the sound of the flash flood had subsided.

When the W/Cs were removed, their replacements were still loud but at least they weren't conversation halters. And now of course we have the ultra-silent modern toilets that barely make a sound.

But for the most silent flush of all, you had to attend last Wednesday's Economic Development Committee meeting of the Kaua`i County Council.

For those who are new to these pages, it was all part of the latest "Gush and Flush" as we've come to call them- sessions where councilmembers fall all over themselves to throw money at Kaua`i Visitor's Bureau and associated events, first gushing over what a great job Director Sue Kanoho is doing and then promising to flush another hundred grand or so down into the cesspool of tourism promotion.

No matter what the economy has done to our "biggest industry" in recent years- biggest only if you count all the money that never sees the shores of Kaua`i- it's always a wonder to behold what a great job Kanoho has done with the money the council appropriated, even though there has never been a verified connection between each flush and the council's subsequent gush.

Two years ago Kanoho told the council how "down is the new up" followed by "flat is the new up" last year. And of course with occupancy up and numbers of direct flights to Kaua`i increasing, Kanoho and her county overseer, Economic Development Chief George Costa, were all too ready to breath in the wondrous air of success even though they, as always, couldn't show any correlation between whatever the figures are and the taxpayer money spent on promotion.

And, as they are wont to do, the council couldn't contain themselves at the election-year-news that their foresight in appropriating the money was rewarded with such rousingly successful promotions.

The council of course knows someone is watching occasionally so this time they conveniently failed to post the agenda on-line until the Monday before the meeting so that not only wasn't the agenda item in the local newspaper but those who get the agenda via an emailed link didn't get it until Tuesday. That meant that nitpickers Glenn Mickens and Ken Taylor, who have been trying to publicly point out all of this for years, didn't even know there was a meeting much less the subject of it.

There was one attempt to counterbalance the obscene self-congratulatory proceedings by Gusher-In-Chief, Councilperson JoAnn Yukimura, who asked for proof that increases in occupancy were somehow correlated with the million dollars in "stimulus money" the council threw at KTA over the last couple-a few-years or so.

And, as if Yukimura didn't know the answer, Kanoho was all too happy to inform her that those numbers were "proprietary."

"So I shouldn't be happy to see high occupancies because they aren't real?" asked Yukimura.

Kanoho hemmed and hawed and was about to launch into one of her patented ebullient doubletalk explanations when Yukimura baled her out to let her know that she was only questioning the occupancy numbers because they had to be accurate or any semblance of validity for purposes of the newly-enforceable general plan- due for update this or next year- would be a joke.

Well, at least she seems to have a firm grasp of the obvious.

Usually one gush and flush is enough for one day but since they had gone to all the trouble of making sure no one knew what was on the agenda, they also revisited the cash they have been throwing at The Kaua`i Marathon for many years... money that, we were apparently assured at the last meeting, wouldn’t be forthcoming anymore.

Anyone expecting what was said six months ago by councilmembers to be repeated again without someone sitting there at the testimony table and reminding them of it was sorely disappointed. Apparently, the $120,000 that was off again, on again, off again is now on again, pending approval at budget time when the appropriation won't stand out like a sore thumb among all the rest of the cash thrown at the county's woes.

Actually- and we're somewhat guilty of burying the lede here- there was a bit of news from the meeting from Councilmember Mel Rapozo who somehow got to bring up the subject of the Wailua Golf Course. Unbelievably enough, in the year 2012, they don't take credit cards.

Yet increasing the number of rounds played by tourists has been the focus of the council and administration for a decade as the amount of taxpayer money the county has had to use to subsidize the supposedly self-sustaining golf course has grown almost every year in that time to around a half-million bucks in this year's budget.

Rapozo pointed out how many, himself included, use ONLY credit cards when they travel and don't ever use ATMs because they doesn't trust them.

Kanoho then announced that the county had finally, at great expense, gotten an ATM machine at the course. But that doesn't help people who want to book a round from the mainland and it really doesn't help those without a debit card because the amount charged for a "cash advance" on credit cards can be exorbitant.

Kanoho at first claimed that they now take credit cards only to be told by Rapozo that staff had called that very morning to verify that credit cards were still not welcome at the golf course.

The way the gush and flush works best is when no one bothers to challenge it. Only then does the modern silent toilet work to cover-up the stench of the way we throw money at tourism without any indication it does thing-one to bring more visitors here... assuming indiscriminate urging of Kaua`i visitation is what we want in the first place rather than cultivating a niche in a directed, precise- and of course verifiable- manner.

There's a well known hoax that claims that the flush commode was invented by a man named Crapper. But those who think that's the biggest lie in potty history have never been to an economic development session of the Kaua`i County Council.

PLUMBERS HELPER

PLUMBERS HELPER: Perhaps the most unpleasant experience in the world is that certain kind of indigestion that you get when a meal makes putrid oral reappearances over and over with each re-tasting more revolting than the next.

It's similar to the experience you get when watching our county council do "the old gush and flush" every time Kaua`i Visitor's Bureau chief Sue Kanoho and county’s Director of Economic Development George Costa make an appearance in the council chamber.

Last Wednesday was yet another re-re-regurgitation as the council gushed over how well the duo flushed the latest appropriations for tourism promotion down the proverbial crapper.

Apparently the council is still skittish at re-revealing the latest $200,000, with furious glances exchanged at Kanoho's cryptic "oh I shouldn't have mentioned that" reference to the latest flush before Chair Jay Furfaro finally made reference to it.

As we reported in January regarding the meeting on the 19th:

Things were off to a bad start when it was revealed that the way this worked was not with Kanoho coming to Mayor Bernard Carvalho- who proposed the bill- and asking for certain amounts for certain “programs” but rather the mayor telling her we had $200,000 to spend and asking her to come up with ways to spend it, according to Costa.

And astonishingly enough expenditures for the six “programs” added up to $200,000.

Previous gushing had them all taking credit for the lack of any increase in tourism numbers- after spending $2 million- with truly preposterous axiom that "even is the new increase." So of course this time, even though tourism has rebounded slightly across the state, Kanoho and Costa were equally ready to take credit for the Kaua`i increase.

Then it was the council's turn to perform what's called "Lihu`e Yoga"- contortionist back patting in taking credit for spending our money on it.

As usual there was no evidence whatsoever of any cause and effect- especially the "kama`aina campaign" to promote interisland travel- although a picture of a few hundred people gathered in Alberta Canada at a trade show for a "must be present to win" drawing for a free trip to Kaua`i was presented as evidence of effect.

And once again Kanoho had to mention the "American Girl Kanani doll" promotion we mentioned in January claiming proof that it worked because she saw someone get off a plane with the doll- a doll which we have since learned is made in China.

How much is going straight down the cesspool next fiscal year? Well, miracles of miracles the usual county appropriation to KVB of around $150,000 has been cut to $75,000 in the current budget but that decrease may well be made up for with another round "emergency" spending to promote the airlines and resorts.. with zero monies coming from those industry biggies.

Just another day in the glad-handing "nothing to see here- go back to your homes" latest version of our county council.

Makes you proud to be voter, don' it?

MR. GREEN AND MR. BROWN

MR. GREEN AND MR. BROWN: The trap-door to the rat hole opened wide again at last Wednesday’s council committee meetings as the latest in a series of what we like to call “gush and flush” sessions found the council doing the gushing over the Kaua`i Visitor’s Bureau’s (KVB) proposed flushing of $200,000 into the cesspool of unaccountable tourism promotion.

But if you thought the council was giddy over the last two-part million dollar money toss- as we discussed here, here, here and here- this time, with the departure of former Councilperson Lani Kawahara, the council unanimously managed to fall over each other to praise KVB’s Sue Kanoho and the county’s Director of Economic Development George Costa, despite the fact that there was no mechanism for any check on whether any more tourists came as a result of the spending.

Things were off to a bad start when it was revealed that the way this worked was not with Kanoho coming to Mayor Bernard Carvalho- who proposed the bill- and asking for certain amounts for certain “programs” but rather the mayor telling her we had $200,000 to spend and asking her to come up with ways to spend it, according to Costa.

And astonishingly enough expenditures for the six “programs” added up to $200,000.

One of the most bizarre was $20,000 for a thinly explained plan to latch onto something called the “American Girl” dolls fad, an uber-high-end giant Barbie complete with clothes and, in the case of the latest model, a Hawaiian “Kanani” model replete with a paddle and paddle board (items sold separately) as well as a fake newspaper “The Hawaiian Breeze" which apparently mentions Kaua`i along with our mythical town of “Waipuna”.

There was a plan to go to some stores and “enhance” in-stores displays but no mention of how there would be any tourists who come here because of the expenditure- as opposed to the doll itself- although Councilperson Nadine Nakamura said she was “very excited” about it because her daughter went though the craze and so, she suspected, it would induce “upscale” visitors to come.

Yup that’s what we elected her for- basing spending decisions on personal anecdotes.

The other five programs were all proposed with no absolutely no way to check whether they attracted even one visitor and not one councilperson asked about how they knew their money was being “well spent”- a phrase repeated ad nauseum.

We say “proposed with” because Kanoho and Costa had one worry- even though they had apparently been assured that no one on the council had any qualms about the effect of the expenditure, the last time out their presentation had been ruined, not just by the now-departed Kawahara but by “nitpickers” Glenn Mickens and Ken Taylor.

So they set up a special meeting with them to get them to go along with the program.

And that seemingly worked because Mickens, seemingly in exchange for his support, insisted on some feedback.

According to Kanoho, “because of Glenn Mickens- and solely because of Glenn Mickens” in the KVB “surveys” that you see being given at the airports by clip-board bearing minions, they will now ask if they came due to the “American Girl” doll or due to seeing a movie shot on Kaua`i ($10,000 was budgeted for “film promotion press trip")... although there was no direct connection between that and the money spent.

But the real topper came when Councilperson Mel Rapozo- who also failed to ask about feedback or any way to rate the success of the six programs- brought up the horror of visitor complaints, especially ones that go viral like what he described as a “Facebook video” (which we couldn’t find- anyone got a link to this?) on the horrendous condition of the boarded up, cesspool overflowing bathrooms at Salt Pond.

That elicited defensive spiels by Costa and Kanoho about how whenever a complaint comes up that threatens to get spread either by word of mouth or online, they take the time to follow-up by- get this- making sure the tourist at least gets an explanation or apology or some kind of as, er, ring kissing.

Yes, they reiterated we do “follow-up.”

But the council, sensing an opportunity to look like they were doing their jobs, did pick up on this one and started asking the two if they actually followed up with the appropriate administration department- usually public works- to make sure that these complaints-waiting-to-happen were fixed in a timely manner... like with the Salt Pond cesspool that took weeks to pump whereas anyone else gets theirs pumped the next day.

After a series of back and forths with the council asking if they “followed up with the administration” and the two saying “yes, we followed up” with another story about calling or emailing the person who complained, Council Chair Jay Furfaro- never one to miss an opportunity to make it look like a good idea was his- directed Costa to “make that phone call” to the administration next time he gets a complaint.

With committee passage the council’s hand is now poised on the lever and this Wednesday they will complete the flush when, to no one’s surprise, they pass the bill without even ascertaining if anyone actually came due to the million dollars of taxpayer money they threw away last year.

The bigger question of course is why the hotels, the airlines, the resort developers and the rest of the tourism industry that takes literally billions off island can’t do they own spending or give KVB the money and why KVB has to beg the council for cash from the county’s coffers.

We’re not holding our breath for that- although it would be nice to breathe clean air without having to flush $200,000 down the crapper to cover the stench of these KVB-served and council-swallowed turds.

ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL

ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL: Really? “Rock bottom” as we said yesterday in describing the latest version of the worst newspaper in the world?

Just take a gander at the hook, line and sinker swallowed by “government beat” reporter Leo Azambuja in regurgitating statistics purporting a wondrous job in using the second half-million-dollar county tourism stimulus toilet-flush presented by Sue Kanoho of the Kaua`i Visitors Bureau and the county economic development director George Costa.

The story of the “amazing success” Kanoho claimed at Wednesday’s council meeting in bringing more visitors to the island was an example of the worst of the worst in covering government- the unabashed unquestioning rote re-recital of governmental double-talking bulls—t.

Anyone who has been following the story knows that, as we wrote about here, here and here last year, accountability and actually being able to correlate the dollars spent to any increase- if there was one- in tourists and the resulting dollars spent was deemed essential, if not by the council by the many taxpayers who spoke out at the time .

But of course when Kanoho’s presentation didn’t include one verified example of anyone who came as a result of any promotion- with one exception: the $30,000 spent on the “South Pacific” Mitzi Gaynor appearance- the council just sat and applauded like the trained seals they are.

Seemingly Kanoho and Costa just pulled any-kine numbers and plugged them in to show their self-declared “success”, even admitting in the case of the so-called “radio blitz” that the only thing they could report as “attributable” to the money spent is through an anecdote Chamber of Commerce honcho Randy Francisco reported after talking to someone in a bar who said they came as a result of the promotion

The worst waste was in using half the money to bribe the “top six producers” of “on-line bookings”- sites like Orbitz and Priceline. The problem is that these sites don’t actually report how many bookings were made as a result of our money being spent or provide any proof that it was a successful “buy” because, as the council knew last year when they approved the money, that information is “proprietary”.

What a scam.

Kanoho admitted that their “coupon book”- one of those pseudo-discount buy a thousand dollar item and get a two cent piece of crap for free promotions- was disastrously unsuccessful... something that many told the council in no uncertain terms would happen last year.

One of the most ridiculous parts of the presentation- one of course unquestioned in the newspaper article along with all of these examples- was the “Northwest media blitz” and trade show appearance by Kanoho and a slew of other Kaua`i people.

Kanoho actually said that although it was “hard to track” Francisco “put 1200” as the number of attributable tourist trips with apparently no real reason to think it was correct.

As a matter of fact each item was “hard” or “impossible” to track according to Kanoho although that little fact was distinctly missing from the newspaper coverage.

What we saw happening at Wednesday’s meeting- something those who read the “newspaper of record” will never know- was a presentation of a series of made-up, pulled-from-their-asses numbers that had absolutely no verified, documented correlation to the money spent.

The real shibai though wasn’t Kanoho prevarications or Azambuja’s incompetence but the council’s attempt to justify the million they spent in making sure the business community and CofC crowd will fill their campaign coffers this year, and wasting (read: stealing) a cool million (half was spent last year in the same manner) taxpayer dollars to do it.

Their performance Wednesday- especially that of tourism industry shill Dickie Chang who engineered the whole debacle- in oohing and ahing at Kanoho’s faux success was just what you’d expect on Kaua`i.

Did anyone really think councilmembers were going to aggressively seek answers that they didn’t want to hear, specifically regarding their use of a million dollars that didn’t do a damn thing- and do it at a time when they just furloughed county employees for two days a month?

It’s open season for the council lies and secrecy and with no one to call them on it. And they know it. Don’t ya just love this town?

BEG, CATCH, SHAKE... NOW ROLL OVER AND PLAY DEAD

BEG, CATCH, SHAKE... NOW ROLL OVER AND PLAY DEAD: The half-million-dollar flush down the tourism rat-hole bill that’s been igniting our unruly hair for the last month or so is apparently headed for passage at next Wednesday’s council meeting despite the lack of anything but sketchy details of exactly how the money spent is supposed to increase what was called “heads in beds” by Sue Kanoho, head of the Kaua`i Visitor’s Bureau (KVB) which will reportedly receive $10,000 to forward the checks.

We say “reportedly” and “apparently” because the always incompetent- and probably complicit in keeping the public in the dark- Ho`ike TV has been running black screens where the council meeting is scheduled since the meeting.

But judging by reporter Michael Levine’s story in the local paper, despite attempts by Councilperson Lani Kawahara- who voted “no” on the bill- to bring some sanity to the table, the appropriation, to be matched in next year’s budget for a cool million total, remains wildly popular with the six admittedly brainless councilmembers, one of whom, Finance Committee Chair Darryl Kaneshiro, defended the dearth of pia mater around the table, aptly describing the consideration given the measure by calling it a "no-brainer", according to Levine.

Though presumably, from the two useless (and unreadable) past-visitor-arrivals graphs accompanying the article, something was available to the public, nothing was forthcoming this past Monday at council services when we asked for the details promised the week before.

Levine reports that there is some kind of breakdown, if not any real explanation, of how throwing money will miraculously spur more vacationers to come to Kaua`i.

He reports that

the biggest chunk — $250,000 — would be split among five wholesalers and online travel agent partners in an effort to create additional visitors to the island. Examples of wholesalers include Pleasant Holidays and Blue Sky Tours. Expedia, Travelocity and Orbitz are among the online travel agents, according to a list provided by the Kaua`i Visitors Bureau to the council.

And talk about the soft prejudice of lower expectations it’s hard to “see” what this means- other than in a “blind leading the blind” sense of the word.

Kanoho told the council that the promotional efforts would likely not result in any increases, but would instead help stop the bleeding.

“Flat is the new up,” Kanoho joked.

Yeah, and dumb is the new smart.

That’s not the only joke- which unfortunately is on the taxpayer. Because, speaking of bad jokes, those whose needed government services will certainly be left in the cold with the proposed cuts in next year’s proposed budget.

Meanwhile the homeless have nowhere to go except the beaches, public transportation remains a joke for shift workers and dogs have more rights than workers.

Here’s some more nonsensical “projections” apparently pulled out of someone’s ass

(County Economic Development Director George) Costa projected a “conservative” 20 percent differential in room nights produced by five wholesalers or online travel agents — from nearly 17,000 per month during the first quarter of 2009 to a projected amount of more than 20,000 per month.Each room night, on average, features 2.3 visitors, and each visitor, on average, spends $157.40 per day, according to state data.

A differential of more than 3,000 room nights per month would translate to $7.2 million over the six-month duration of the plan, Costa said. That figure does not factor in the multiplier effect of some of that money filtering back through the local economy.

Oooo- he can read a state data chart. He’s a keeper.

Just don’t ask him how the data even remotely relates to the specifics of how this cash fling will, if it does anything at all, just drive visitors from privately and locally-owned bed and breakfasts and vacation rentals to prominently-sponsored, more expensive mainland owned resorts like the Hyatt, Sheridan ,and Regency so they can pay poor, brown people crap wages to tongue-clean rich, white tourists' toilets.

Where were we?

There has been absolutely no explanation at all of how throwing money at these “wholesalers” makes for more tourists and therefore money spent on the island - despite paternalistic unsupported assurances that it will from ex-tourism honcho Vice-Chair Jay Furfaro, Costa and Kanoho.

What exactly do these wholesalers propose to do? Do they place “Kaua`i?” in a physically higher position on their web page? Yeah, that’ll do it. Or maybe if you click on “Mexico” or “Jamaica” it gives you a “did you mean Kaua`i?” redirection- maybe once you buy your Florida package they give you tickets to Lihu`e.

Do they place a special “ad” in their site- yeah, we all know how well on-web-site advertising is... just ask the newspaper industry... or anyone but Google.

Even assuming that they have some sort of scam where when you ask about any vacation elsewhere Kaua`i pops up, what happens when the Bermuda Tourism Authority pays them a million and ONE dollars to make theirs the “choice” destination.

We and others have suggested that if they were going to spend a million dollars. we give out 10,000, hundred dollar vouchers redeemable for cash at Lihu`e airport- or maybe 5000, $200 ones or 3700 for $300.

Of course then they would need competent in-house marketers who can figure out the perfect amount that will successfully entice cash conscious travelers...something they obviously lack considering the harebrained nature of their current scheme.

Knowing the county they’d probably go out and to hire a private hundred-thousand-dollar consultant to find out what the right amount is.

Maybe they should set up some kind of competent and skilled central agency- maybe devoted just to bringing in tourists, .. a sort of bureau- yeah, that’s it- just for visitors, to Kaua`i.

Well it’s just a thought.

So half the cash goes down one single rat-hole. The other half? Levine reports there’s

-$25,000 for a 50th anniversary celebration of iconic film South Pacific,
-$170,000 for a kama`aina campaign encouraging Hawai`i residents and military to travel to Kaua`i from other islands,
-$20,000 for a remote radio show hosted on Kaua`i,
-$25,000 for a “Pacific Northwest Blitz,” as well as the
-$10,000 for a Kaua`i Visitors Bureau Administration fee.

The $170,000 for kama`aina and military are apparently for more proven-to-do-nothing advertising- a stupid side flush where a free interisland air ticket might actually get them here.

And if we’re going to flush 25 grand down the already corporately sponsored “South Pacific” celebration let’s be out front with it with a real appropriation and not hide it by slipping it in with a released-on-the-day-of-committee-approval list that apparently became public only after Kawahara tried unsuccessfully to amend the bill to remove it.

We can only hope the six-to-one vote is a sign of things to come.... no, seriously- that’s progress.

Is the “South Pacific” party and a “radio show” (don’t get us started on that one- we’re sure wondering what that will look like... maybe Dickie Chang will host it) the best way to spend tax dollars when we’re lucky we got national stimulus money for “meals on wheels” or the kupuna served might starve when county money runs out because they spent it on this nonsense.

Few who don’t stand to directly financially benefit would disagree that these two items should be the first kind of frivolous expenditure to be cut during lean tax collection times.

But that might run afoul of the state’s “Incumbency Preservation Act” so of course it’s a “no- brainer” for the council to line up at the trough.

What’s disappointing is that no one seems to care. Though as we said we haven’t seen the meeting, we’ll bet dollars to Krispy Kreems that, as happened during the public hearing, no one but the council regulars objected to the expenditure perhaps hoping against hope that it will trickle down – or “domino-down” as one tourism honcho called it at the hearing- to them.

Bones and piss- not even bread and water, just bones and piss... and we have to delude ourselves to think we’ll get that.

The “do something-anything!” hysteria isn’t just local- the hapless pols in congress are even worse, throwing hundreds of billions at the banking and Wall Street crooks who already robbed so that they can keep on doing so. But if we can’t do much to stop it happening 5000 miles away there’s no excuse for this kind of ostrich behavior here at home.

DAMN THE DALMATIAN; MUFFY NEEDS A MAKEOVER

DAMN THE DALMATIAN; MUFFY NEEDS A MAKEOVER: The word irony apparently isn’t in the county council’s lexicon although we’re not sure if that’s because County Clerk Peter Nakamura simply refuses to release the dictionary to councilmembers or because the pontiff of Kaua`i, Chair Kaipo Asing, believes in his own self-proclaimed infallibility.

Wednesday’s council meeting presented a plethora of inexplicable and baffling contradictory discussions. When juxtaposed they make it all too obvious why the council makes it almost impossible to access the minutes to their meetings- if people read their words in print rather than seeing snippets in catch-as-catch can cablecasts they might just hold them accountable for what they say and do.

Early on the council chambers was packed with pastel aloha shirts and mu`umu`us with name tags along with a few suits, as a virtual who’s who of tourism and business community hacks filed before the council to sing the praises of the first half of a million dollar flush down the toilet of the Kauai Visitors’ Bureau, which we tore into last month.

The smiling faces and self congratulatory excesses turned stomachs for about an hour as the recipients paraded up to thank the council for tossing taxpayer money into the rat-hole of their bottom lines, one even carefully using the words “domino down” to describe how it will trickle all-over the low paid, expendable workers in the hotel plantations.

Others voiced the unverifiable assurances that there was a “plan” with “measurable” results despite the fact that there is, as yet, no such plan in the hands of the public.

But never fear- the plan had been verbally “shared” in an apparently mesmerizing two hour session where KVB honcho Sue Kanoho, County Economic Development Director George Costa and Hypnotist-In-Chief/Councilmember Dickie Chang (how else would you explain a minimally-talented, sycophantic tourism-shill being our top TV personality) bedazzled nit-picker and council watchdogs Glenn Mickens and Ken Taylor with where and how the money would be spent.

As we said in March, everyone wants to come here- advertising does no good. While we win out all the time on location, location, location the only thing stopping people from coming here is price, price, price.

But rather than use the money, as we and Mickens suggested in March, to directly subsidize tourists’ trips- assuming it is ever a good idea to spend taxpayer dollars on corporate welfare like this- we’re actually using it to pay off travel agents and “wholesalers” to “talk us up”- which presumes other locations aren’t paying them more and that simply advertising big resorts on Kaua`i provides us with additional visitors at all.

When Councilwoman Lani Kawahara suggested that perhaps at least some of the responsibility for promotion should lie with those who stood to benefit she was basically told not to worry her pretty little head about it and literally laughed at by councilmembers and the crowd.

But otherwise, never was heard a discouraging word and the looming budget deficit did not elicit a discouraging word all day as the bankers and hotel executives spread their deer and antelope manure throughout the council chambers.

And why wouldn’t they- if the plan benefits anyone- which is certainly not a given or even knowable in the long run- it certainly isn’t directly going to benefit any small businesses, just the Sheratons and Hyatts and Prineville Hotels who are the promotional targets and set to receive all of any largess the grant “stimulates”.

The bill now heads from the public hearing to the council’s Finance Committee for preliminary decision making and then a predictably swift passage.

But if there’s plenty of cash in the coffers to waste in this million dollar handout to these assorted thieves an afternoon of gloomy projections were yet to come.

Apparently sometime between mid morning and mid afternoon the council “found out” there might be a budget shortfall.

So it seems like it was just bad timing when the agenda turned to getting the administrative personnel of the Kaua`i Fire Department (KFD) out of the shoe box they currently occupy.

The council was being asked to a measly $40,000 cover the rest of the budget year and get them moved into new, although supposedly temporary, digs right now with about $100,000 in yearly lease payments to come.

Yet this request got more scrutiny than State Senator Donna Kim gave the DBEDT this year.

The reason for this- conveniently blamed on “the administration” although the council has been more than complicit- is the total inaction on making the empty space in the Pi`ikoi building available for KFD offices- for which architectural design plans were completed years ago but was never built when the first renovation was done

The council has been throwing money at three administrations- including that of Chair Asing who was mayor for a few months last summer- to get it done but of course as usual without holding them accountable and just giving them all the money they requested for quarter-million-dollars-a-pop consultants... and doing so for the third time just last April with no results.

Poor chief Bob Westerman- perhaps the most competent and honest person in the employ of the county- begging for a an office where they don’t have to work at “mini-desks” to administer arguably the most important service the county provides.

After a fog filled discussion with Public Works Deputy Ed Renaud and Administrative Assistant Gary Heu where they hemmed and hawed their way through an explanation of what the f—k is taking so long to get the space-planner they hired in April to so some planning Asing took center stage for the big disconnect.

Asing asked no one in particular why this delay wasn’t brought to his attention when he was mayor- conveniently ignoring the fact that he, if anybody, should have been most aware of the 20-year delay in getting the various county agencies into the buildings the county purchased for that purpose in the 1980’s since he’s been on the council ever since then except for a two year stint in the 90’s.

Then, as if to highlight all he knew but somehow forgot while he was in the round building, it was time for one of Asing’s famous “presentations”- ones he never seems to be at a lack for especially now that he controls all of the council’s staff research time and an issue which other council members have complained about in public session,

Anyway he started off with a long discussion that flew in the face of his usual admonitions of not just the public but councilmembers to only address times within the strict confines of the matter as described on the agenda- a tactic supposedly to comply with the sunshine law” but usually used by Asing to stop “uncomfortable” discussion when on occasion someone tries to honestly discuss the topic and to connect it to the real impediments or corruption.

Asing launched into his version of the “financial crisis” with long rehashing of national and even international monetary policy passing through the state’s crunch and eventually getting to the point- the possibility the state won’t give us our share of the transient accommodation tax to the tune of a projected $11 million this year.

Conclusion? We might not be able to afford to give the KFD the space it so desperately needs and has so patiently awaited with Westerman’s usual “we will continue to meet our obligations to provide public safety” no matter how shabbily they are treated by the council and administration.

So let’s get this straight Kaipo- there’s plenty of money to throw a million down the tubes of visitor industry’s bottom line needs but, because we won’t get our fair share of the money that is collected from that same industry, we can’t afford $40,000 to get the fire department out of an impossibly cramped room, smaller than the council chambers and containing more people than showed up that day, according to Kawahara.

It’s no wonder getting things like pertinent documents and meeting minutes from the council is nearly impossible and the idea of putting them on-line is anathema to Asing and Nakamura who rule with an iron fist.

Even the cable casts of the meetings are “descheduled” with a catch as catch can, rarely announced scheduling that never puts them on at the same time twice and simply presents them on a revolving basis presenting the most current council, planning and police commission and mayor’s PR programs.

Ho`ike TV is nothing if not accommodating of the power elite on Kaua`i.

We can’t even come up with clever concluding sentences anymore- trite clichés will suffice... as usual... same as it ever was... new week, same s--t.

DERAILING THE GRAVY TRAINING:

DERAILING THE GRAVY TRAINING: Back sometime in the early 80’s when Ronnie Ray-Gun was busy chest-thumping at the Ruskies like Bonzo there was a particularly tense period when the frenzy was so whipped-up many of America’s rabble though attack was imminent.

It was during this period of profound fear-mongering that the skies of Kaua`i were suddenly and disturbingly full of presumably military fighter jets one day, annoyingly buzzing residential neighborhoods for hours on end.

The noise and indeed the earth-shaking became too much and we called the FAA to complain.

After a tirade basically asking “what the f--- is going on” we were put on hold for about five minutes before being told- and we kid you not- “don’t worry... they’re ours.”

“We don’t care who the hell’s they are” we screamed “stop it- now.”

We tell this story because even this clueless bit of federal paternalism had nothing on our very own local brand, as exhibited by Kaua`i Councilmembers Jay Furfaro and Dickie Chang at last Wednesday’s (3/25) meeting when discussion turned to a bill to appropriate a half a million dollars to shove down the rat hole of tourism promotion.

It’s bad enough that the county is once again throwing money at an industry that provides at best crappy jobs cleaning toilets with our tongues for substandard wages while it scoops up most of the wads of incoming cash for outgoing designation. It’s bad enough that there’s never any credible evidence that more advertising does anything to increase tourist numbers... assuming that’s a good thing in the first place. And it’s bad enough that the administration wants to do this while they are putting essential county services on the back burner by refusing to allow departments to fill vital open positions.

But when the bill came up for first reading before the council there was not only no specific information for the public- even after we requested it preceding the meeting- the reading was followed by a perfunctory “don’t worry your pretty little head- we’ve seen a plan... and it’s ok” from Furfaro and Chang.

But the public wasn’t even going to get that much until council watchdog Glenn Mickens got up and asked, as we asked the FAA, “what the f--- is going on“ eliciting the “don’t worry they’re ours” from the two tourism-industry, council-embedded shills.

Presumably if no one said anything the bill would, as we see all the time with “money bills”, go to a pubic hearing, one committee meeting and a final second reading, all without a peep out of anyone on the council or administration on anything but a barest of bones plan for spending... if that.

There is supposedly a plan- something about somehow bribing the “wholesalers” of vacation packages according to Furfaro and Chang who sought to hush Mickens up after his testimony by telling him they’d seen the plan and it was okay with them so shut up sit down and let us worry about it.

Mickens testimony described a few choice past rat holes for tourism promotion money which the industry has conned out of the county without any accountability or measurable “bang for the buck”.

Mickens asked a simple question that people have been asking for years- if we’re going to spend all this money why not do the one thing that will insure we get warm bodies on the ground... distribute vouchers for the tourists themselves for airfare, presumably on any flight into Kaua`i.

But we might never have even heard anything about the idiotic and thread-bare drivel-heavy plan had it not been for an article by a relatively new yet excellent reporter at the local paper, Michael Levine- asking some questions and apparently getting a hold of a “report” of sorts from new county Director of Economic Development George Costa after the meeting.

Levine describes the “plan” which is heavy on vague categorical generalities with a dearth of actual details of distribution of the money or any feedback or accountability mechanism.

Though it’s not apparent whether Levine actually saw a plan or just got a description of it, it appears to be another of these advertising based boondoggles throwing money at a bunch of pre-selected targeted “wholesalers” that will supposedly promote other unlisted pre-selected businesses, presumably corporate off-island owned hotels and tour businesses

Levine writes:

“The main emphasis of the program is working with wholesalers to drive new bookings to Kaua`i over a wide variety of properties and to encourage spending in local businesses through a coupon book that will be created in partnership with the Kaua`i Chamber of Commerce,” he said. “Based on Hawai`i Department of Business, Economic Development and Tourism visitor spending statistics, the $500,000 being requested for the marketing program is estimated to generate approximately $15 to 17 million in our island economy.”

Oh, is that the same DBED&T that is slated by some legislators for demolition and is famous for erroneous statistics and throwing STATE money down their rat hole?

The proposal shows that the $500,000 described as “Phase I” would include $250,000 to be split evenly among five wholesale partners or online travel agencies, and the coupon book described by Costa will likely be a part of that plan.

Oh boy- coupon books- a bunch of worthless “buy one get one free” and “free gift with purchase” coupons that are 99% useless crap, as most tourists know.

The proposal listed the top five such partners for Kaua`i as Pleasant Holidays, Expedia, Travelocity, Orbitz and Blue Sky Tours.

And what exactly are we going to do- bribe them to get them to trick people into coming to Kaua`i?.. When you click-on Florida you get Kaua`i? What happens if Honolulu pays them $251,000 to send them to Waikiki?

“Sixty-five percent of our room nights on Kaua`i come from 12 major wholesalers,” said Council Vice Chair Jay Furfaro in response to Mickens’ testimony.

This isn’t being directed at trade shows, he said, it’s being directed at “key customers we refer to as wholesalers.”

Furfaro recently cut all his job-related ties to the tourism industry where he spent his whole life working as an executive, after being continually caught in conflicts of interest, and now that such ties require recusal.

Also included in the proposal was $170,000 for a kama`aina campaign encouraging locals on other Hawaiian Islands to visit Kaua`i, with a special focus on military personnel. The 50th anniversary celebration for South Pacific, scheduled for September, would receive $30,000, and $25,000 apiece would go to a radio show and to Kaua`i Visitors Bureau administration fees.

Oh boy- more advertising... and event support. That’ll work... and if it doesn’t how will we know? As usual the answer to that is unquantifiable... so shut up Parx.

Phase II, which would cost another $500,000 and could be funded through the upcoming budget process, would allocate another $250,000 to five wholesale partners, $170,000 to the kama`aina campaign, $40,000 to a “Northwest Blitz” and $25,000 apiece to a radio show and to Kaua`i Visitors Bureau administration fees.

Yes folks this only fills up half of the rat hole.

Only either a complete idiot or the recipients of kickbacks could possibly think that increasing advertising will get more people to come to Hawai`i or specifically Kaua`i these days.

Presumably these dunderheads have been to the mainland and talked to people there. Have they ever found one person who never heard of Hawai`i much less one who has to be convinced to come here, all else being equal?

Of course not. People on the mainland don’t need to be reminded how much they want to come here, possibly over every other single visitor destination around the world. It’s at the top of the list for everyone’s “dream vacation”.

So what’s stopping them?.. the fact that they didn’t see a 30 second clip of bikini clad beach-goers or fake hula dancers?

What are we- a bunch a freakin idiots? It’s the cost you shemageggis. “Everyone knows” the airfare is outrageous, the hotel rooms and rent-a-cars are out of sight and on and on.

Whether this is actually true doesn’t matter because people belive it is and no amount of advertising saying “no really- it’s not that expensive” will cause them to experience a pissy-foot as rain.

The only thing that will get them here is actual good-as-cash vouchers, as Glenn suggested. And not those lousy restricted ones that can only go to one or two specific business... which have already raised their prices by $200 in anticipation of participating in that kind of scam... a scam most mainlanders have seen and won’t get taken in with again.

$1 million would translate to 5000 $200 vouchers to be used unrestricted on any airline as Glenn suggested.

Actually we’d suggest they be used for any business on Kaua`i too and perhaps use them to leverage a “double your Kaua`i Voucher” program for participating airlines or businesses to get a bigger bang for the buck.

The boneheads in tourism promotion are quite obviously either clueless.. or corrupt.

With no accountability with strictly advertising-based promotions. That assures that there is no feedback mechanism to establish it’s effectiveness in solid verifiable numbers. So they can never be held accountable and hold their jobs forever whether they perform or not.

Just look at this hilarious paragraph from an article in the local paper this weekend from Sue Kanoho executive director of the Kaua`i Visitors Bureau:

The second assumption I often hear is that they think all KVB does is “just place print advertising” to get the word out about Kaua`i. In fact, KVB has a myriad of areas that we focus on to market the island. In addition to print advertising, KVB also does television spots and television programs, radio ads, outdoor advertising, e-marketing, webinars, travel trade advertising, trade shows, product launches, destination training, wholesaler cooperatives, event marketing, familiarization tours, research and last, but not least, and one of the most important elements…. public relations.

Uh, Sue, maybe the problem is that all you can think of to do is advertise, no matter what the medium.

It’s evocative of a line from the movie The Blues Brothers where the patrons of the chicken-wire bar where they’re about to play tell them “We like both kinds of music- country AND western”.

The reason for this mindset is perhaps that they belive the only way to get people here is to con them into doing it, implying that otherwise they would never come.

That may be true of other locales but these marketing geniuses, many of whom come from other places where they cut their visitors destination marketing teeth, have no understanding of the built in desirability of the local product- Hawai`i itself- whether in reality or through the fantasy that mainland denizens hold in their mind of the islands as the ultimate destination.

If you ask them the only obstacle in their minds is cost. So why not give them something real that will also assure the behavior we seek along with a built in unambiguous accounting of where the money went and exactly what we got for it?

Actually we shouldn’t be spending a nickel on promoting someone else’s business- it’s amazing how quickly entrepreneurial free-market zealots turn into promoters of a welfare state when the handout is for them.

But if these gullible politicians feel they have to spend money on tourism promotion it’s time to stop the corrupt kick-back-ready system of advertising a product that couldn’t be any more desirable... unless it were free.